oh whatever

ok im not just a little bit nervous, im a little bit scared of what he is going to do and im torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know, im not sure whats worse, but what is worse is the fact that He is loving the fact that im nervous and im not finding it funny at all. I do know He is most likely expecting me to try and worm my way out if it and im not going to well not at the moment probably will try as the date draws closer, i am though determined that i will not beg Him not to do whatever He decides to do simply because it doesnt work and why give Him any more enjoyment than He is going to get anyway, ok i know the probability is high that i will but bloody hell im getting to be too predictible, its like He knows whats going through my mind before i have even said anything.

What bloody got me though was when He said i have no tolerance in reference to not being able to stay quiet when im being beaten, bloody charming i would like to see Him stay quiet when getting bloody whacked although did think better of pointing this out, but yes i admit i do find it difficult i do try though because i dont like being gagged and anyway screaming is a better option than swearing at Him which is also a probability and that wouldnt go down well.

Anyway did have a chuckle to myself last night, i found a bdsm checklist that i had filled in a few years ago, of what i would do, consider and definitley not do, and to my amusement pain was ticked on the definitley not do and here i am now with a bloody goddam sadist.