an explanation

Before Christmas (in November i think) i had masturbated without your permission and it had happened a few times and you told me as punishment i would get 50 strokes of the whip when we got together in the January. I was scared and the threat/thought was enough i didnt touch myself at all and i think nor did i ask permission to masturbate, for the first time i was shitting myself at the prospect of being punished in a way i really knew i wouldnt like, which is the whole point.

When the weekend arrived the punishment never happened, it was mentioned briefly but not carried out, i think with what had happened in vanilla life those distractions played a part in the fact that you was not your usual self which was understandable. I suppose being honest i became complacement i figured that i got away with it before i could again and i know i have to a certain degree not forgotten my place but neglected it and i dont want that because im happy and content being your slave, and i know i deserve to be treated severely for my behaviour.

Contrary to what you might think i dont do it with the intention of provoking you although i know it might seem that way i guess im going to have to learn the hard way that it wont be tolerated, and if its any consolation im really not looking forward to what you might do, because i dont enjoy it when your being really cruel.