friday 22 Feb

Its not that i am offended by any questions that are posted in blog, just that i have come accross timewasters and its made me wary especially when i know nothing of whom is asking the questions, but i will try answer them if their sensible.

I can honestly say i dont know why i am the way i am, i remember reading a book in my middle to late teens by Ann Rice although she used another name (cant remember off hand what) and it was about a girl (sleeping beauty) who was taken as a slave and used sexually as well as being beaten regularly, and i found it very erotic and it did arouse me. I consequently read the follow ups and eventually read the Story of O which at the time of reading it i found very intriguing, and it became something i later fantasized about. Didnt admit to anyone about this because well it goes against the norm and i didnt want to be seen as a freak and i didnt have the knowledge and understanding and i guess confidence to explore any further.

As to how i got to where i am now well the internet has a lot to do with that, the feelings i had (ie, wanting to be dominated etc) never went away and i just used to trawl the internet for information and eventually plucked up the courage to place a profile on a bdsm site. To cut a long story short i did meet with someone, didnt work out but i did realise it was something i definitley wanted to explore more of so after a while placed another profile met Him and well here i am.

If i really dont want to do something i would need to have a very good reason why not, "not feeling like it" for example is not a good reason, He can be reasonable and i think it would depend on what it was and the circumstances for example if im unwell then i would think that would alter His decision. I can express how i feel about something and why i would prefer not to have to do (whatever) and it is then His responsibility to determine whether or not i do or dont, and i have to trust His judgement.