Thursday, 10 April 2014

Pick n mix submission

getting there.

his precious pet asked

"I wander why you cant have the dressage whip as a hard limit?"

An aspect of how our dynamic works, and an important part, is me handing over total control to him, and that included what limits i had, now its important to bear in mind this did not and does not mean that he straightaway broke them, it simply means that he has the control over whether they happen or not.....and somethings may never happen at all.

I trust him, i trust his integrity, and that he would not intentionally do anything to me that would damage me in any way, physically or mentally, when he has pushed me past what was once a limit he has done so with great care, he wants me coming back for more not running away!

I do hate the dressage whip, and yes i did state that i wish i could have it as a hard limit, however, it doesnt damage me, albeit yes of course it leaves marks and it hurts, and i cant handle it well at all,  but not liking something is not a valid reason to take it out of commission.

Part of being submissive, (or perhaps i should say what works for us,) in my opinion is getting past the idea that its always going to be enjoyable, that its just about submitting to what one likes and wants, if it was just about me indeed only submitting to what i liked and wanted, i would ask myself "am i really submissive?" or perhaps more apt that im not cut out to be in a tpe dynamic, knowing what his expectations are.

Perhaps its simply about compatibility. I wanted, still want, well need really, total control, i thrive under it, so i cant have my cake and eat it by picking and choosing what i will or wont submit to.  He provides me with what i need and vice versa, and sometimes yeah it means submitting when i dont want to and to things i dislike, but these times are not often.

If something, not just s/m but anything, really caused me great distress, enough that it could be detrimental to me, to us, then he would not go there, even if he wanted to himself.


  1. Very well said!! "If it was just about me indeed only submitting to what i liked and wanted, i would ask myself "am i really submissive?" Love this! It isn't always fun and it isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Thanks for posting


  2. We backed into this so the wrong way around....i don't know that either of us has any good idea of our limits - except for a few things that are more relationship than M/s or kink. We seem to be exploring that together. It's an odd way to do it i guess, but it's where we are. I like your explanation a lot.

  3. this is something I came to realise over the last year- it can't always be something you like, not if you want to submit to another. It was a struggle, until I realise a couple of things - firstly, I already was and had submitted to things I didn't like both in the bedroom and out and that in fact I was getting angry and upset by the idea when I was reading about it on other people's blogs!
    Secondly, when I excepted my inner feelings about being a slave (rather than a sub/bottom/just submitted) then everything fell into place beautifully. Can't quite explain it but I just had so much more peace around it...
    I suppose because submitting to things I don't like is huge proof to me of my being a slave, and being a slave is what I crave and long to be, so it almost becomes a good thing and something of a blessing!

  4. Ours was a journey of many years to get to the 24/7 M/s relationship. The word no, is not in my vocabulary any longer. At every level of our BDSM journey it always felt right at the place we were. With so many levels of kink I love how we can all support each other as we live with what works for us.