his precious pet asked
"I wander why you cant have the dressage whip as a hard limit?"
An aspect of how our dynamic works, and an important part, is me handing over total control to him, and that included what limits i had, now its important to bear in mind this did not and does not mean that he straightaway broke them, it simply means that he has the control over whether they happen or not.....and somethings may never happen at all.
I trust him, i trust his integrity, and that he would not intentionally do anything to me that would damage me in any way, physically or mentally, when he has pushed me past what was once a limit he has done so with great care, he wants me coming back for more not running away!
I do hate the dressage whip, and yes i did state that i wish i could have it as a hard limit, however, it doesnt damage me, albeit yes of course it leaves marks and it hurts, and i cant handle it well at all, but not liking something is not a valid reason to take it out of commission.
Part of being submissive, (or perhaps i should say what works for us,) in my opinion is getting past the idea that its always going to be enjoyable, that its just about submitting to what one likes and wants, if it was just about me indeed only submitting to what i liked and wanted, i would ask myself "am i really submissive?" or perhaps more apt that im not cut out to be in a tpe dynamic, knowing what his expectations are.
Perhaps its simply about compatibility. I wanted, still want, well need really, total control, i thrive under it, so i cant have my cake and eat it by picking and choosing what i will or wont submit to. He provides me with what i need and vice versa, and sometimes yeah it means submitting when i dont want to and to things i dislike, but these times are not often.
If something, not just s/m but anything, really caused me great distress, enough that it could be detrimental to me, to us, then he would not go there, even if he wanted to himself.