Monday, 14 April 2014

Take me somewhere only we know

A thought that came up in conversation regarding my recent insecurity about s/m was that i have never had an issue with humiliation, and it gave me something to ponder on, why i have never had problems with it but yet have had with s/m.

I think, or the only reason i can come up with is that after any humiliation scenes we have had, i have never felt any animosity towards him afterwards, or struggled with emotions whereas i have in respect of it just being solely s/m.

I love humiliation, the more degrading it is the more i revel in it, i particularly love anything that objectifies me, to put me in a place where im nothing, simply a body to use for his pleasure does it for me, excites me in a totally different way than s/m does, he can treat me like the proverbial doormat but rather than bringing me down, it makes me feel exhilarated, and in those moments i feel like i will do and be anything he wants.

The only similarity i feel about humiliation as i do about s/m is wandering how far will i go, the more i have experienced eventually the edges soften, and i want more, to delve further, to find and experience those 'first new thrill' feelings.

Also, i dont ever have thoughts of not being enough for him in respect of humiliation as i have had with s/m, he admitted that "you are the most filthiest woman I have ever known" (aww mr romance) and well he has 'known' a lot of women, so its probably the only area that i  push his boundaries in as well as him pushing mine, everything else it feels like im trailing behind in and he is waiting for me to catch up.

But like most anything, its about context, he can slap my face and i love it, i will ask for more, harder, but if i speak disrespectfully to him and get a quick sharp slap to the face im left feeling 'little' and ashamed because he is displeased with me.

Yet, there is a correlation between humiliation and s/m, their paths interwine quite frequently, for me, i realise what i do enjoy about s/m, perhaps more than the physical acts themselves, is the emotional/mental aspects.  I love the way he will taunt me, create mindfucks that play in my head long after the scene has ended, that even though im in pain orgasms will rip through me as he works the whip over my body, and i still cant get my head around that......it hurts for fucks sake, im begging for it to stop, but we both know that what i ultimately get off on is that i dont get a say in when it stops.

Its often said, and i say it myself on here, and on others blogs that it should be about having fun, but it came as somewhat of a revelation during the conversation that i tend to enjoy the whole of the experience more when its not fun....well not for me anyway, i like emotional masochism, when afterwards im suffering, body bloody, covered in welts,bruises starting to form and my head is still reeling from the humiliation and he takes no measure to comfort me.

I used to struggle with that, well perhaps more that i resented him, maybe hate him a little, but he knew me, he knows me, i would rebuff his tenderness if he attempted it in those moments.  I want to wallow in my suffering, savour it if im honest.

Later in bed, as i curl up into him, both of us exhausted, sleep comes easily, all the humiliating treatment, the pain he has inflicted on me, how he made me feel like something he has scrapped off the bottom of his shoe, are replaced with simple contentment, and as his arms fold around me, loved.





















21 comments:

  1. i can't say i understand. but wow, that was well-written. And it's awesome the way he knows when to hold back the tenderness and when to wrap you in his love. It's almost like they can read your mind!

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    1. thanks, its probably for the best that he cant read my mind considering the things i sometimes think about him lol

      x

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  2. This is beautiful. I understand it on so many levels. To be objectified....completely and utterly His to use as He pleases.

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    1. thankyou

      Yes! objectification is a huge thrill for me, something i want to explore more of.

      x

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  3. This made me think, Tori. What is it that makes me love these aspects of TTWD. I've never thought of them in pieces, just as the whole. I do adore humiliation. Really my mind is in overdrive, electrifying my body.

    I completely get the face slapping. I will ask for it, beg for it. But that sharp, startling chastisement is enough to crush me and frequently makes me extraordinarily apologetic instantaneously. That feeling of deflation and remorse.

    Thanks for the post!

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. oh fiona im terrible for picking things apart, and generally over analysing them lol, which i dont think is always a good thing!

      the face slap is just a huge turn-on,

      x

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  4. For me it seems like S/M is fairly predictable on how I'll react. Whereas with humiliation it can be all over the place from wonderful to horrible to just funny, depending on how he does it and where my head is at the time.

    I totally get the face slapping for hotness aspect vs correction (he rarely does that second one, generally I just get a "look" for speaking wrong). Either way it makes me feel more submissive, though.

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    1. its funny isnt it how we all have these different reactions, im the opposite in that im more predictable with humiliation but s/m not always...other than it always leaves me dripping wet lol

      oh i get the look as well when its not appropriate to slap my face...what is it with doms and that look!

      x

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  5. tori,

    Wonderfully expressed! A little humiliation can be very exciting.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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    1. thanks mouse

      yes it is very exciting, its something i would like to explore a lot more of.

      x

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  6. Tori,

    I get this so much!! .

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    1. it is nice to hear when someone gets it, because it makes me feel that im just not alone in how my mind works, or rather the things i enjoy.

      x

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  7. love this tori....am not into humilitation in a big way, in fact i thought i wasnt at all but when you mentioned about objectification i can relate to that...just to be used by him for his pleasure there is something so dirty and exciting in that....dont know if i could cope with the face slaps though....smiles

    blossom x

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    1. hi ya blossom

      thanks,

      i didnt think i would be, but when we he first started introducing it to me, i lapped it up, but yeah its not for everyone, humiliation i think is so very personal to the individual.

      x

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  8. oh this was beautiful and I so got it!
    I do find it interesting - in that, I've never found it hard to except I like pain, I've always seen it as just another sensation. I've struggled more with excepting my love of humiliation and objectification and all that..

    it's a difficult and potentially dangerous tightrope to walk, that between not too much tenderness at the wrong time and enough love and respect and reassurance...

    But I think the very danger of it is one of the attractions, for me at least!

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    1. thankyou mc kitten

      it is interesting, how each of us can react so very different to the same things, i guess it wouldnt do for us all to be the same.

      It is difficult i definitley agree, its something that has to be done carefully as it could do more harm than good.

      x

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  9. Thank you tori for expressing this so well. I have never hated someone for tormenting me or humiliating me.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. hi ya joey

      i think its not a real hate, but in moments it feels like it...if that makes any sense lol

      x

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    2. 'not a real hate'
      *light bulb*
      oh, I get it now! for me it's almost like it's safe lancing and letting out of hate energy, rather than actually hating HIM, if that makes any sense

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  10. Hi Tori, I'm sorry I am behind in reading here. This is a great post and so well expressed. I love how well he knows you.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. hi ya Roz

      ooh i wouldnt worry, im behind in my own blog, catching up with others...and still havent finished replying to questions lol

      x

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