I think i have briefly touched on the use or non use of safewords before but the comment on my last post has prompted me to re-visit it.
First off i want to state that in no way do i believe that not having a safeword makes someone better than another nor do i think it makes them reckless. Simply put like almost everything its down to what works for the people involved and for us we prefer not to have a safeword.
What we both enjoy is the exchange of power, this can be on many levels or to many extremes, for some people they thrive on being micro-managed and having every aspect of their life dictated to.....this does not work for us, so its fair to say that power exchange may differ from one couple to the next with none being better than the other. I am getting to the point honestly.
We do engage in a fair bit of s&m and one of the biggest thrills for both of us is pushing me and yes testing the boundries, seeing how far i can go, trying different scenarios, different combinations of implements etc. Thats not to say every session is like that as they are not but for me personally i get a buzz out of being taken out my comfort zone and this is when not having a safeword comes into play.
At these times im begging, sometimes crying i really want it to stop and yes a part of me doesnt like him and boy does he get called names, im sometimes even a bit resentful intially afterwards that he has treated me in this horrible way. But we both know i love it and i do, i love the feeling of being completley at his mercy and under his control with no way of escaping what is happening even though i may desperatley want to at the time..
If i had a safeword then there would have been times i most probably would have used it which is fine, but it would have meant not having the amazing feelings afterwards, i would have missed some experiences that now give me great enjoyment. These experiences create a different effect/scene which for us gives a great deal of satisfaction and emphasises the power exchange which we have.
Then there is the safety aspect, with any scenario you have to be aware of the potential risks involved and safety is the priority so there may well be steps that need to be taken so that any risks are minimised. We have been together nearly 5 years and thankfully there has been no occassion where my safety has been in danger or an unwanted injury, thats not to say it couldnt happen as it could. To safeguard against this a safeword could be practical but what about when im hooded/gagged and restrained as such that im unable to communicate on any level that somethings wrong that shouldnt be?
In this scenario i have no choice but to absolutley put all my trust in him and that he is going to be monitoring the situation closely to be aware of any changes in my reactions etc and to pick up on and handle any unwanted problems that may arise.
I trust him completley obviously and know without a doubt that he would stop immediatley if something wasnt right or he knew i had really had enough, he knows my responses well enough by now to make good judgement. I recall a time when he was caning me and i was in subpace or floating as i prefer to call it, he stopped and i was annoyed and asked him to continue as i was so enjoying having my floaty moment. He wouldnt continue and when i was untied i could understand why, my ass was a mess and bleeding, but because of the headspace i was in i was of course unaware and would have happily carried on.
Bottom line is for us a safeword has no place in our dynamic and the type of power exchange we enjoy but it is important for others whether its used or not....would be damn boring if we were all the same.