I havent had a good couple of last days, im missing Him and sometimes its worse than other times and i get frustrated because its not always possible to talk and then i get stroppy and i have sensed the last few days that im getting that way. So i figured to avoid getting stroppy and end up incurring punishment i would ask for some pain (coz that helps in a wierd way) and i didnt get it and then that pissed me off because i wasnt asking again, so it gets into a vicious circle of me being stroppy because i want Him to give me pain and then when i do get it its more than i want and all that could have been avoided if He gives me the pain i asked for in the first place.
Yes i am bloody ranting, ok im due on thats probably why im feeling this way but goddamn it i want some attention. Then like now i feel guilty for wanting His attention as i know its not easy for Him all the time as its not always easy for me (fucking vanilla life) but just sometimes its really hard to deal with. Its the weekend so wont be able to talk then and He is off work next week so will be difficult then as well, then im off on holiday and im dreading it, what the fuck am i going to be like without contact for 2 whole fucking weeks.
Im sorry Sir.......i just really miss you lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx