Friday, 21 March 2008

nearly a year

blimey just realised this is my 101st post and after having just read through all of them, my opinions have changed a little and in some ways i have progressed (i think), to think i was against having this blog intially now im very protective of it.

I think the biggest change is that im a lot more secure in our relationship than i was when i first started this blog, i still have the odd moments but not as frequent as they used to be. Its nearly also a year since we first met and its been a good 12 months but also very scary albeit in a nice/not nice way, i have had my fair share of tantrums which for the most part He wont tolerate and reassuring that He doesnt give up one me when i do have my moments.

He said that i can suggest something i would like to do to mark our first year together which was a challenge as im not very good at making decisions, but having thought about it i decided today i would like to be caned until blood is drawn. Having suggested this to Him of course the sadistic bastard has said that if this is what i want then no amount of pleading will deter Him when the time comes, this is not how i want it. I want to enjoy it (well obviously as much as you can enjoy a caning) ideally i would prefer the strokes not to be very hard, but applied moderatley light so as to enable me to be able to take a lot more strokes, the more strokes the more likely to break the skin eventually (well thats my theory anyway).

Finally got a reply from the domme (the one whose mail i deleted) and it wasnt the reply He was hoping for, i admit i was pleased although my joy was shortlived when He said i would be dealt with later. This basically means "dont think you have gotten away with it" now i didnt think i would although i was hoping a teeny weeny little bit that i would escape without punishment but i knew deep down this was unlikely. I have realised that im actually in deep shit because of what i did and the fact that my actions are probably why we got the reply from her that we did, and i have no defence because i know what i did was disprespectful.

Anyway i have found the inflatable butt plug (after having temporarily misplaced it) oh what i wouldnt do to lose it permanently but i would only be made to get another one so either way its staying. I have tried convincing Him that my ass just isnt designed to be blown up but to no avail, i wish i did like it would certainly make it easier but the last time He made me use it as punishment i bled and that scared the shit out of me (no pun intended). I rue the day i ever bloody bought it and even worse is that im sure i was the one who mentioned it and suggested getting it, im mad fucking mad.


  1. Hi Tori

    I have been away for the Easter weekend, hope you have had a good weekend?

    Will it take a lot to get blood from a caning sounds awful to me, is it something you have always wanted to do?

    How come you dont like the butt plug but you enjoy anal sex or is it just the inflatable one you dont like? Must say didn't know things like that were around im more naive than I thought and they dont sound plesant at all.

    I think you should pleased that the dominant women didnt respond as you said yourself you didnt want to do it so it wont be that bad now will it?

    Helen xxxxxx

  2. hello helen, did you go somewhere nice? and welcome back though maybe you had been scared off (joking)

    Im not sure how much it will take to get blood because i would prefer the strokes not to be really hard so im sure it will take more than it would if the strokes were full force (dont fancy that). I like blood so its something i have wanted to try in the right scenario.

    I do enjoy anal sex however even that depending on the position can become very uncomfortable, im not really a big fan of butt plugs irrelevant of their size. The inflatable one without a doubt is the worst and no its not pleasant at all.

    The only reason im pleased she didnt respond in the way He would of liked is because i still believe im not ready to be put in that situation and it would have been a disaster. However by no means am i getting away with it there is no way He will let this slide by without punishment, so im not totally off the hook.

  3. Hi Tori

    I went to Liverpool with my boyfriend to stay with his parents, lots of shopping so it was fun.

    I havent tried anal sex I cant get my head around the whole poo thing so its not something I can say I would like to try.

    What I mean is at least it wont be so bad if he is going to punish you.

    Helen xxxxxxxxxxx

  4. sounds like you had a good time!!

    What I mean is at least it wont be so bad if he is going to punish you.

    Had to copy and paste the above comment because im trying to understand how that can possibly be seen as not too bad. At least with her i could and would have if necessarily safeworded i dont have that with Him, so in one way im worse off.

    tori x