nearly a year

blimey just realised this is my 101st post and after having just read through all of them, my opinions have changed a little and in some ways i have progressed (i think), to think i was against having this blog intially now im very protective of it.

I think the biggest change is that im a lot more secure in our relationship than i was when i first started this blog, i still have the odd moments but not as frequent as they used to be. Its nearly also a year since we first met and its been a good 12 months but also very scary albeit in a nice/not nice way, i have had my fair share of tantrums which for the most part He wont tolerate and reassuring that He doesnt give up one me when i do have my moments.

He said that i can suggest something i would like to do to mark our first year together which was a challenge as im not very good at making decisions, but having thought about it i decided today i would like to be caned until blood is drawn. Having suggested this to Him of course the sadistic bastard has said that if this is what i want then no amount of pleading will deter Him when the time comes, this is not how i want it. I want to enjoy it (well obviously as much as you can enjoy a caning) ideally i would prefer the strokes not to be very hard, but applied moderatley light so as to enable me to be able to take a lot more strokes, the more strokes the more likely to break the skin eventually (well thats my theory anyway).

Finally got a reply from the domme (the one whose mail i deleted) and it wasnt the reply He was hoping for, i admit i was pleased although my joy was shortlived when He said i would be dealt with later. This basically means "dont think you have gotten away with it" now i didnt think i would although i was hoping a teeny weeny little bit that i would escape without punishment but i knew deep down this was unlikely. I have realised that im actually in deep shit because of what i did and the fact that my actions are probably why we got the reply from her that we did, and i have no defence because i know what i did was disprespectful.

Anyway i have found the inflatable butt plug (after having temporarily misplaced it) oh what i wouldnt do to lose it permanently but i would only be made to get another one so either way its staying. I have tried convincing Him that my ass just isnt designed to be blown up but to no avail, i wish i did like it would certainly make it easier but the last time He made me use it as punishment i bled and that scared the shit out of me (no pun intended). I rue the day i ever bloody bought it and even worse is that im sure i was the one who mentioned it and suggested getting it, im mad fucking mad.