Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Got to the bottom of it

Well.  I know what caused the doormat issue, i did get an email back (they were concerned i might 'out' them.  I assured them i would not, and actually although i didnt like what they said, i respect that they named themselves (the blog) generally when people want to be judgemental etc they hide behind being anonymous.

First of all any emails i receive i would not disclose the name/blog title here, here being my blog, the only exceptions would be if it was a topic of conversation that i wouldnt mind blogging about, subject wise, but first i would ask the emailer if they minded.

So what caused the issue?

Basically the concept of having no choices, which was from a post i made myself.

No choices...right,ok.

Actually i have lots of choices, i chose to make a cup of coffee before i started this post....and i did it without asking permission!  im choosing to drink it now without asking permission, i may well choose to have another one in 20 minutes and not ask permission, i have chose to write this post without asking such a rebel!

But we are not talking about making/drinking coffee are we?

Im going to try to keep it as simple as i can....which may not be actually that simple..this is me we are talking about after all.

I chose to be in this relationship, now its not like we are in the dom/sub frenzy period, we have been together many years, so i think its safe to say we know each other very well.

When i say no choices, i mean it in respect of having a very clear understanding of what that means to both us, which is bottom line he is in control of us, me, primarily i have 2 choices, to obey or not.

I try to always choose the obey option, and hmm 95% of the time i make that choice.  Does this mean i have no say, input or my feelings/thoughts are not considered? of course not, although it is situation dependent.

A while ago whilst having anal sex, he stopped, said "somethings wrong?" i nodded and he withdrew, yes something was wrong, i was in pain, not a good kind of pain at all, and if he hadnt brought it up i was going to, now he could have continued, its his right, my body is his to use as he wishes and i would have no choice in the matter.

Or perhaps I'm having a diabetic hypo, but he wants to give me a beating, he can regardless because hey I'm a slave I have no choice


In those situations i have choice, the right to say "no" i have the right to be kept safe, i expect him to keep me safe, to not cause me damage, as it turned out after a visit to the doctor i had an infection from a cut inside my ass. The examination was enough to put me off medical play for life.

Its a dominants responsibility to look after his sub, to keep her safe, its the subs responsibility to let the dominant know when something is not right, so he is fully aware of the situation, and he needs to trust that his sub will tell him, and the sub needs to trust he will do the right thing.

The saying...'just because you can, does not mean you should' comes to mind!

Saying i have no choice is about obedience, about being pleasing, it does not apply to situations that are effecting my welfare, its a matter of context, and he wouldnt have it any other way....he wants me happy and healthy.

Now im going to make my other cup of coffee, i may even choose to have a biscuit with it.


  1. Tori,

    I am sorry you had all of that happen. I feel the same as you do. I am the one that chose to live my lifestyle with my husband. I chose to say yes, when I can say no. People need to have class and realize that if they did the things they like, get turned on by, or plainly enjoy many of them would live as we do. Judgement is often, nothing more than fearing we are just like the people that make us uncomfortable.

    Hugs my friend,

    1. Your last sentence...yes!!! i had not looked at it that way before but it certainly has a ring of truth to it.

      thank you


  2. I think you explained that very well. Sorry to hear you got curry for your choice "not to choose"

    1. thank you Linda

      It happens every so often, sometimes i can let it go and sometimes i cant lol


  3. Wonderfully explained Tori. I particularly like what you said about it being the Dominants responsibility to look after his sub and the subs responsibility to let the Dominant know when something isn't right.


    1. thank you Roz

      I think its often overlooked that it does take both to have responsibility in the relationship...its not just solely about the dominant having it.


  4. Good gods.
    I feel like some of us who choose or have chosen to blog about having consensual-non consent/M/s relationships have to at least once a year, explain it, in post after post.
    Sorry it fell to you, on your blog.
    You handled it oh so well and didn't have to write up any kind of explanation.

    1. Yes!!!

      It does feel that way at times, but yet its also sometimes worth covering because if someone new here to the blog, or indeed new to ttwd reads it, if it gives them pause for thought...then its worth it.

      thank you


  5. I'm glad they "fessed up" and that there was a civil resolution. I was going to say that if you have a public blog, you don't really have the right to tell anyone not to follow you. It's public, even if you take measures to hide your true identity. You don't control who reads it. If you wanted that, write in a locked diary!