I cant take back what i wrote in the previous post, its how i felt, and its still too raw too think differently, but the anonymous comments hit home, and im inclined to agree with what they both said, in a week or so my reflections probably will be different if i were to write that post again.
What i do know is, as horrid as it was, it was effective, it spelled out that he wont tolerate my blatant disobedience or lying, and in his mind thats mission accomplished, would being comforted afterwards diminish the effect/purpose of the punishment? thats what im left wandering, and it confuses me somewhat to admit that i think it would have...maybe.
In the past there are many times i have got off on his coldness, being left to dwell in my suffering, i like it, a lot, it is i guess emotional masochism, i havent and wouldnt want any comfort of any kind, this time was different, for obvious reasons.
In no way am i angry/pissed with him now, and i wasnt at the time either, perhaps being truthful a little resentful that there was no comfort, i was hurting, not just physically but emotionally, i couldnt pull myself together, i didnt like feeling that way, i didnt like him seeing me that way, although i know he enjoyed seeing me like it, getting tears out of me isnt easily achieved so im very sure he loved it, well i know he did, he said as much.
He was very snap happy, with the camera, i had asked for photos the night before, of the good times its been a long time since we have done that, i was intending to put some of them on the blog, now im not so sure, there is nothing remotely sexy/erotic about seeing images of myself crying/sobbing, with a snotty nose and my hair entangled in it!
Will need to think on that, im quite insecure when it comes to self image, and i admire those that are comfortable with putting pics up, i wouldnt put up anything sexually explicit, thats just not me, but some of the ones he took i do like, sometimes pictures say more than words.
Yep i have comments to get to, and i will.