This morning, sub-drop hit me hard and unexpectedly, i was bursting into tears throughout the day , crying about the punishment, the posts i wrote, should i have wrote them etc and just feeling bluh.
I was trying to pull myself together as my son was home from college for the day, and we had plans to lunch together before heading off to a meeting at his college late afternoon, i felt bad when he heard me crying in the bathroom, and i came up with some bullshit about worrying about his grandad, who isnt doing well health wise.
Im not usually an openly expressive emotional person (i know thats hard to believe lol) but i couldnt stop myself, it didnt help much when my mum phoned up to give me a hard time about not bothering to come and see her and my step-dad over the last few days, accusing me of being selfish and uncaring, normally i would have given as good as i got, but i had no fight in me left, it was easier to just to hang up....and yeah cry some more.
But, i had to get my shit together for my son, i wasnt going to ruin our time together, and we did have a lovely lunch, albeit later than planned, and it was lovely to hear him talking enthusiastically, looking forward to Uni in September, i cant believe my baby boy will be 18 in April and my daughter 13 the same month, its a cliche but blimey the time flies by.
I stopped taking the happy pills (anti-depressants) around a month ago, against my doctors advice, im starting to think he was right, the doctor, because what the hell is wrong with me?
I should be happy, ok the punishment aside, and yeah things had been rough before xmas but otherwise all is good, or i think they are, there are more people with bigger issues going on than me...but yet here i am bawling my eyes out (yeah again) for reasons i really cant put a finger on, well thats not entirely true some words from Master earlierset me off again, not that he was horrid or anything but its not taking much to set me off crying at the moment.
Maybe it just is sub-drop, but its never been this bad before.
Right, i swear people a happy, jolly post will be next!
This is me right now! But I've been this way for like a week--it's driving me nuts!!! I couldn't even hide it from the kids on Saturday. Last week I cried over kale. Yep, kale. I was gone for dinner, he put away the leftovers, but left my sautéed kale out...and I cried about it. Wtf?!?! If I saw someone else do that, I would laugh at them. Heck, I'm laughing at myself right now!
ReplyDeleteHug!!
Its horrible isnt it?
DeleteOh i cried over spilling the cat food everywhere lol
and sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.
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Maybe then it might be a good idea to start taking your medicine again. I suffer from depression too although it isn't sever even if I stop taking my medicine for a while everything gets to me like it was a major melt down. Hugs it will get better.
ReplyDeleteYes, i think im going to go back and see what options are available, i know i need something, besides the punishment i have had a lot going on.
Deletex
Maybe it was subgroup, but as Angel Blue says perhaps the tablets were doing to good. Sub drop here, too - life sometimes seems harder than it should be!!!!
ReplyDeletesubdrop!!! Sometimes this auto correct thing is a pain!
DeleteI think it is subdrop but made worse because i havent been myself for a while and perhaps i need to accept i need a bit of a kick start/help.
Deletex
Taking medication for depression or any other mental health illness is not a weakness. If you had a different illness like a heart condition or high blood pressure and your doctor prescribed medication for you to take would you? Of course you would. Are you able to talk with your master about the punishment and is that even allowed? It seems as though you need to process it with him. Hope you feel better and good luck.
ReplyDeleteI know rationally its not a weakness, but yet part of me feels like it is, like i should be able to cope.
DeleteWe have talked it through and i feel better about it now, still a little hang up about it but im getting there.
thank you
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The chemistry associated with the brain can be quite fascinating except when it's your own brain doing this crap. Some of the chemicals can take a few days to rebalance so I suspect that it is sub-drop given the events of the last few days. Platonic hugs if I may. DtBHC.
ReplyDeleteYes i think its sub-drop, it just seemed to come out of nowhere!
Deletehugs are always welcome, thank you
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Sending huge ((hugs)) Tori. I'm glad you spent some time with your son enjoying each other's company. I think it may be a combination of sub-drop and coming off the medication. I'm with AB, perhaps you should talk to your doctor and start the medication again. I agree too, maybe you need to talk to your Master about the punishment also if you can.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
thank you Roz
DeleteIt was lovely to get some one to one time with my son especially as it seems to be so rare these days.
Yeah im going back to the doctor, just to see what options are available, maybe i do need something.
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Have you tried St. Johnswort as an alternative to the prescription medications? I know people who have had great success with it. Though I have heard that it can interfere with birth control pills, so a bit of research might be a good idea if you are on bc.
ReplyDeleteHugs* drop is such a bitch...
I havent lil, but on reading your comment i did look into it, and im prepared to give it a go, im not on birth pills so i dont need to worry about that...thank you!
Deletedrop is a bitch i could do without lol
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(((hugs))) Maybe you should think about returning to the anti-depressants. It's not a shortcoming to need them!! I am sending you happy, healing vibes. xxoo
ReplyDeletethank you Renee
DeleteIm thinking about it as well as lil's suggestion, i know i need something!
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