This morning, sub-drop hit me hard and unexpectedly, i was bursting into tears throughout the day , crying about the punishment, the posts i wrote, should i have wrote them etc and just feeling bluh.
I was trying to pull myself together as my son was home from college for the day, and we had plans to lunch together before heading off to a meeting at his college late afternoon, i felt bad when he heard me crying in the bathroom, and i came up with some bullshit about worrying about his grandad, who isnt doing well health wise.
Im not usually an openly expressive emotional person (i know thats hard to believe lol) but i couldnt stop myself, it didnt help much when my mum phoned up to give me a hard time about not bothering to come and see her and my step-dad over the last few days, accusing me of being selfish and uncaring, normally i would have given as good as i got, but i had no fight in me left, it was easier to just to hang up....and yeah cry some more.
But, i had to get my shit together for my son, i wasnt going to ruin our time together, and we did have a lovely lunch, albeit later than planned, and it was lovely to hear him talking enthusiastically, looking forward to Uni in September, i cant believe my baby boy will be 18 in April and my daughter 13 the same month, its a cliche but blimey the time flies by.
I stopped taking the happy pills (anti-depressants) around a month ago, against my doctors advice, im starting to think he was right, the doctor, because what the hell is wrong with me?
I should be happy, ok the punishment aside, and yeah things had been rough before xmas but otherwise all is good, or i think they are, there are more people with bigger issues going on than me...but yet here i am bawling my eyes out (yeah again) for reasons i really cant put a finger on, well thats not entirely true some words from Master earlierset me off again, not that he was horrid or anything but its not taking much to set me off crying at the moment.
Maybe it just is sub-drop, but its never been this bad before.
Right, i swear people a happy, jolly post will be next!