A common theme, or topic that crops up a fair bit is 'he wont dominate me the way i want', it was reading over at Pygars blog that got me thinking about this (www.akinddom.blogspot.com).
To sum up, a submissive writes that she cant find a true dom, and i quote "but I haven't yet spoke to a true Dominant Person, all the so called 'Dominants' I've had, I've had to teach them how to be dominant"
Which begs the question how is one determining what a true dominant is?
Well duh! we all know that dominants are those that wear leather all the time, can get their dicks up at least 15 times a day and it stays up for hours, ooooh and not forgetting the must have...private helicopter and jet..oh and of course absolutely gorgeous, rich and fit!
oh shit, sorry was reading 50 shades and got carried away.
But in all seriousness, forget the true dominant part, im not a fan of this whole 'true' idea, just as not all submissives are the same nor are dominants, perhaps its simply a lack of compatibility rather than one not being 'true'. It would be very ironic wouldnt it if this submissive found what she considers to be a 'true' dominant but he doesnt think she is the type of submissive for him!
I wander do single submissives place high expectations on potential dominants and are quick to dismiss those that dont fit in with their 'ideal'? now i cant sit on my high horse here, when i was looking i did have a criteria of things that i was looking for in a potential dominant.
I wanted an experienced dominant, a sadist, an older man, older the better....hey dont judge me, i like the older man lol
Of course there were other things that were of importance, but those things would be discovered on getting to know the dominant, finding out if we were compatible etc, for example a dominant that was only interested in dominating in the bedroom would not have been for me, but by no means would it make him less of a dominant or not 'real'.
It took months of being in the relationship with the bossman to get the sense of 'yep, this is for me' and im pretty sure the same went for him, we had to get to know one another, vanilla as well as D/s wise.
Does the bossman always dominate me the way i want or would like? heck no, its his way, how he wants it, it is very much on his terms, yes he is open and willing to listen to what i would like etc but if i was to start dictating to him how i want to be dominated....well lets just say it wouldnt go down very well.
Perhaps rather than thinking about how he wont dominate you the way you want, you should be asking yourself are you submitting the way he wants!
and it all comes down to that little ole thing called communication.