Thursday, 23 May 2013

Choice

Those of you who have seen the film Secretary might remember there is a scene in it where a woman hisses to the main female lead "submissive" said in a tone as if its a dirty word, my friend on occasion will use this in reference to me, its become her standard joke, not intended to offend and no offence is taken.

But it made me think (yeah i know!) about the perceptions of being submissive, the apparent conflict with feminism and submitting, there are some people i have no doubt (have come across a few) that hold a view that being submissive equates to being weak, unable to think, act for oneself, and perhaps from some feminists point of view a 'let down' for a woman to submit to a man.
I am not weak, i am not 'less than' because of my submission, i have no conflict with feminism and submitting because i chose this and as far as im concerned there is no conflict, i wanted this and im all the more stronger for it because i have a man that respects my choice, he embraces my submission, i am a woman that is free because i chose this, not coerced or forced.






 and if we look at what feminism means:
'
Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing and defending equal political, economic and social rights for woman.  This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for woman in education and employment.'

Its about having choice, and having said choices respected, the woman that chooses the career path, and to have no children is no more or less 'valid' than the woman that chooses to be a housewife/mother, so should it not stand to reason that my choice to be in the relationship  i am in, to submit, should be respected as well.


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16 comments:

  1. Storm23 May 2013 at 23:30

    *Applauds from the peanut gallery*

    It is interesting to me, (in a frustrating kind of way) that the choice to submit is often seen as being at odds with feminism--a concept that revolves around a woman's right to choose.

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 22:46

      thanks lil

      Yes its something that i cant really understand myself because i cant see a conflict, perhaps its this stigma that submissive women are 'viewed' as weak? i dont know!

      x

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  2. ancilla_ksst24 May 2013 at 00:30

    More applause here! I call myself a feminist and a slave. I don't have conflict with being both. I don't expect most vanilla women would understand.

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 22:48

      thanks.

      I find its not just vanilla women but those in ttwd as well, its almost like being submissive is viewed as weak or 'less than' or equates to not being 'woman enough'...i just dont get this potrayal or indeed the conflict with submission and feminism.

      x

      Delete
  3. Anonymous24 May 2013 at 00:58

    Oh oh! Another peanut here! I wish that our choices were respected more. Instead, they choose to stalk our blogs and spew their nastiness all over. Ugh! Now see what you did...you went and got me started on a tangent! lol

    hugs
    bg

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 22:49

      lol bg, you carry on on a tangent, im terrible for doing it myself at times....sometimes my comments on other blogs turn out to be a post in its own right lol

      x

      Delete
  4. June24 May 2013 at 02:22

    I made this point in a psych class when we studied feminism.....somehow submission seems to be a feature in my classes.....okay, I MAKE it a feature in my classes, lol. You would think our choice to live this way would be embraced, in stead of us being denigrated for our choice. But our choice it is, and I would make the choice to bow to him again.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 22:51

      Im sure thats interesting June, well it certainly interests me the inclusion of feminism and submission in psych classes.

      I do believe its a simple lack of understanding in most cases, a lack of knowledge of what submission in the form of ttwd means and represents.

      x

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  5. kiwigirliegirl24 May 2013 at 03:35

    Giving you a standing ovation for this tori - very VERY well said. My best friend in the world, who has no idea im a submissive (or at least trying to be) and would never in a month of sundays understand or even TRY to understand it.
    Well said :)
    love this post.

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 22:54

      Thanks kiwi

      I understand why many wouldnt understand because really unless your living it then its difficult to relate to, perhaps because of societies indoctrinations of how we should be? i dont know but it can be very frustating when viewed as being a let down for feminism!

      x

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  6. Anonymous24 May 2013 at 11:21

    I totally agree with you tori and the others who have left comments. I have met lots of subs/slaves in the scene; they are not weak in any way. In fact, a female sub is the president of our local BDSM group and does a fantastic job.

    I applaud all of you for being brave and following what you want.

    Please do not let the people who do not understand us upset you. Instead, focus on the intense pleasure of our sexual wiring that drives us to TTWD.

    In the scene, you are respected without judgement. And, loved for your submissive nature.

    Big Hug,
    joey

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 23:00

      Thanks joey

      I dont so much get upset anymore (ok depends on my mood lol) but it just irritates the hell out of me when there are these assumptions made about being submissive that makes people think its weak, have no opinions, doormat mentality etc

      So when there is conflict with feminism and submission i find it baffling that people really cant understand or refuse to understand that submission is something that requires strength, determination and is not for the weak!

      x

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  7. DelFonte24 May 2013 at 12:38

    Feminism is all about choice. The freedom to choose brings equality, not weakness. Critics of consensual power exchange dynamics should concentrate their efforts elsewhere, perhaps the forced marriages of young girls, which happen daily in certain parts of the world.
    In western society, decades ago, women were vilified for working, now they are vilified for staying at home with the kids. It should be down to choice not political or peer pressure.
    Oh yes, I do remember the snake like hissed 'submissive' from the film and its good to see her being ignored too!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 23:02

      Absolutley agree DF, even today in many societies woman are treated as lower class, they have no choices, girls married at young ages etc, its these that are real issues in todays world.

      The key is freedom of choice!

      x

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  8. dancingbarez24 May 2013 at 17:49

    You explained it very well Tori. Feminisim was, is and always should be about the power of choice not about what one does once the choice is given.

    It is funny to think of submissives as weak because it takes a very strong women to defer to her Dom when it is not something she is particulary agreeing with it at the time. (Not referring to any kink, either). Of course that's not what people see but we know the truth.

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    1. tori27 May 2013 at 23:04

      thanks dancing

      I agree, i cant understand this reasoning by some that submissives are weak, and it really winds me up when i come accross these viewpoints, i really do think its a lack of understanding or/and ignorance!

      x

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