Wednesday 17 April 2013

Its ok

"The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work if it isn't open"  Frank Zappa


Having been stuck in hospital (and im a terrible patient, but then who does like hospitals!) gave me time to overthink, to contemplate blogging and i enjoy it, for me and for the interaction, worrying about perceptions is pointless, although it happens from time to time.

In a conversation with the bossman, we spoke of a kink that i enjoy but i find difficult to comply with under direction without being forced in some way...usually a threat of something worse or physical force gets me motivated.

In some scenarios i like to be 'forced' it turns me on, however he would prefer my obedience without force being necessary, apart from perhaps when in bondage, where he wants me helpless and unable to resist.

I have wandered if i like the element of being forced because i can then rationalise that he is the horrible nasty man making me do these things that i have this silly idea of being 'wrong' because perhaps its 'dirty' or heavy s/m and i avoided discussing kink here because of preconcieved ideas.

Even discussing tpe as it applies to our relationship i was becoming wary of because is it so very difficult to understand?  i suppose its been so long now its the norm to me, not being allowed to do things or having to ask permission for what for many is a given im ok with.

I like the structure, the consistencey, the control, its safe. 

Kink doesnt define our relationship, its a part of albeit a huge part of it, but its more than than that, im a mother, a friend, a partner, an employee....im also a slave, a masochist, his slut...all of these matter but they dont define me.

Our relationship isnt complicated, its transparent as i am to him, there is nothing left that i have to hide from him, or would want to, i have succumbed to his dominance/control over me because he inspires me to submit, and its because he does that reminds me that actually all of this is ok.



































































10 comments:

  1. tori,

    Last night I was with fifty kinky people discussing very, very kinky stuff. It was so normal and the vanilla world outside seemed so abnormal. Some people get it and some don't. I would not concern myself with the group who are clueless about TPE.

    What you have is special. Live your life your way.

    Hug,
    Joey

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    1. Thanks joey

      I am finally after so long realising that yep absolutley i need not concern myself with what others think, im happy and thats what matters.

      x

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  2. ...he inspires me to submit...
    Mmmmmhmmmm, yes that! It is because of Ward that I am willing to be taken as deep as we go. That is a lovely, tantalizing, fulfilling thing I too enjoy the structure, and it doesn't bother me either to ask permission from him, he is my authority. I relish the feeling of reliance, I relish the freedom to lay things at his feet and know that he will take care of us in the best way.

    Perhaps if they tasted TPE, and how intoxicating it is, if they were as brave and open as we are, they would not have to speak out against us out of fear.

    Joey's right, that trust that level of interchange, closeness and understanding is special. And we're the lucky ones.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. hi June

      I think being inspired is so important, because its a great form of motivation that makes me want to please him and knowing that he values my submission.

      It is special..yes very much..how lucky we are!

      x

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  3. I too enjoy the forced element and used it to deflect ownership of what was happening between us. I am learning (and still struggling at times) to embrace who we are without concern for the 'labels'. TPE has brought more safety and security to our life together. I submit because be earns it...every day.

    (((Hugs)))

    P

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    1. It sometimes is a struggle i get that, but yes when one can embrace who they are and come to terms with it then its a beautiful thing.

      x

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  4. Ahhh...
    I *get* the thinking on being forced. However, it scares the heck out of me, when it comes to physical play. For the very simple and undeniable fact that I would get hurt (physically) not being the most graceful swan in the lake :P
    Its very true: the kink experience doesn't define us, it is only a part of our experience.
    And it can all be so much easier when we don't get bogged down with labels ;o)

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    1. I get scared especially when it comes to physical activities..s/m, but its why i love bondage i find taking away the ability to resist helps the mind into accepting it more.

      x

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  5. Its funny now because when one hears her girlfriends complaining about the everyday stuff all she can think about is that ist all comes back to power struggles within the relationship. Take that away and there is room for so much more and the security and contentment that comes with it is amazing. And yes you don't need kink for that buy it sure is fun.

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    1. I agree, its ok to have struggle, all relationships have them..but these ones are just different because of the nature of the dynamic...its getting to that place of just accepting it and when that happens its a welcome release.

      x

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