Its ok

"The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work if it isn't open"  Frank Zappa


Having been stuck in hospital (and im a terrible patient, but then who does like hospitals!) gave me time to overthink, to contemplate blogging and i enjoy it, for me and for the interaction, worrying about perceptions is pointless, although it happens from time to time.

In a conversation with the bossman, we spoke of a kink that i enjoy but i find difficult to comply with under direction without being forced in some way...usually a threat of something worse or physical force gets me motivated.

In some scenarios i like to be 'forced' it turns me on, however he would prefer my obedience without force being necessary, apart from perhaps when in bondage, where he wants me helpless and unable to resist.

I have wandered if i like the element of being forced because i can then rationalise that he is the horrible nasty man making me do these things that i have this silly idea of being 'wrong' because perhaps its 'dirty' or heavy s/m and i avoided discussing kink here because of preconcieved ideas.

Even discussing tpe as it applies to our relationship i was becoming wary of because is it so very difficult to understand?  i suppose its been so long now its the norm to me, not being allowed to do things or having to ask permission for what for many is a given im ok with.

I like the structure, the consistencey, the control, its safe. 

Kink doesnt define our relationship, its a part of albeit a huge part of it, but its more than than that, im a mother, a friend, a partner, an employee....im also a slave, a masochist, his slut...all of these matter but they dont define me.

Our relationship isnt complicated, its transparent as i am to him, there is nothing left that i have to hide from him, or would want to, i have succumbed to his dominance/control over me because he inspires me to submit, and its because he does that reminds me that actually all of this is ok.