I have not had a problem with the bossman enjoying other women sexually, albeit it has only been oral sex and likewise when i have sexually 'served' other men and women its been limited to oral, we have had some great times, i love watching him with other women. Playing with others is not something we have engaged in for a couple of years but its not been ruled out, should it be something he wishes to pursue again.
I will admit that on these occassions i have struggled with submitting to others, i see my submission as being his only but as he pointed out in response...as my submission is his, as everything i am is his then he will decide how, when and whom i submit to, so i kind of lost that argument. But anyway when its limited to physical interaction its not so bad and on the times i have submitted to another (always under his supervision) i have focused in my head that its just my body they are using and only at the will of the person who owns me, but only the bossman has my complete surrender.
We have never considered poly, i know i wouldnt be cut out for it, and he has no interest in it, it wouldnt be the element of having to share him physically with someone else that would bother me but it would be the emotional impacts. Im possessive of his dominance, i would not want to share it with anyone else, the bond that is nutured between a dominant and his submissive involves opening up to each other, exploring each others desires etc and this is a closeness that i covet, i know things about him and vice versa that are private, just between us and i wont share that.
I guess being honest i would be jealous of someone else having this bond with him, i know its possible to have successful poly relationships, we have met subs and doms in poly dynamics and they are all very happy, but i do think you have to be cut out for it and im not, i couldnt share him and our relationship with anyone else.
The kink and sex is all very well, that i can share, i have done (albeit in 'scenes') but its all the rest...the important pieces of a relationship..dare i say it the vanilla aspects which i just couldnt, im very much his, he owns me but damn if this makes me unsubmissive so be it but he is mine.
I think that it's kind of a common misconception that just because we belong to them, they cannot also belong to us.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about the emotional stuff--physical events happen and then they are over. Emotional connections go far beyond that.
P.S not to say that the "belonging" takes the same form, but you know what I mean...I hope lol.
DeleteYep i know what you mean lol, its a form of belonging but in a different context.
Deletex
I absolutely could never do poly. I'm incredibly monogamous emotionally, and while we can fool around with others (and have our own rules about that just to keep each other informed and safe and happy) we don't do anything with an emotional connection.
ReplyDeleteI'm too selfish. Mine mine mine.
Yes i can get the selfish element, its not jealousy as such but more i think that im just not poly minded and i think its something you have to really want.
Deletex
I totally get that. We have only done "scenes" too, and the rule was supposed to be oral only, although rules were broken repeatedly, which is why we're not really doing it anymore. Although I am still interested if I could trust...
ReplyDeleteI think you have to stick by whatever ground rules are imposed but then its easy to get carried away in moments, i have no interest in having full sex with another but its not been ruled out if thats what he wants.
DeleteTrust is the biggy though.
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I couldn't have said it better myself. I could probably handle scenes both ways, but the "he is mine"? Yeah, I totally get that. :-)
ReplyDeletelove, squirrel
hi ya squirrel
DeleteShort term scenes not a problem, but the thought of bringing someone in on a full time basis i just couldnt handle.
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I quite like how you have separated the physical and the emotional. It all gets a bit tangled up for me..maybe thats why I understand what you are saying from personal perspective and why I would be feeling exactly the same way, given the opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI think separating the physical from the emotional is the only way for me to manage my feelings more so when its been me with another than him, thats not to say i havent enjoyed it but lets say i would be happy to not have to do it again.
Deletex
great post tori...and as littleone said its separating the physical and emotional because when they tell you to submit to others one tends to link both together which doesnt help...i know i personally couldnt have a poly relationship....def not cut out for that...scenes are different as long as He is controlling them.
ReplyDeletethanks blossom
Deleteoh most definitley i need to know the bossman is in control of whats going on, it provides me with the security i need.
Poly is great for some but i do believe you have to be of that mindset to want it and im not.
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I get it. With TTWD, the physical and emotional are separate.
ReplyDeleteYes i would agree, perhaps not for everybody but its how i personally see it.
Deletex
I have been pondering on one part of this - if the physical and emotional are really separate for me, but that is for me to ponder. For your post, I can totally see where you are coming from and it seems to me that it is the openness of the mind that is the most intense connection, not the actions. The actions are the path to the mind. And it would be hard to have someone else on that path.
ReplyDeleteI think its personal to the individual, its only when with others that i separate the physical and the emotional, the bossman is the only person who has me 'all'.
DeleteSometimes i have thought it would be nice to have someone to share with but then reality kicks in and not a bloody chance lol...im possessive of what we have!
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We don't share either. Some people can and some people can't. As long as you are both on the same page you'll be okay. And I'm with you, R is mine (and I don't share)!
ReplyDeleteheather1
hi Heather
ReplyDeleteI think your right..you both have to be on the same page if not then there is potential for disaster.
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We have discussed this issue a bit and Master is too possesvive of me to even suggest adding in a third party of either gender. As you stated I would not mind playing or watching him play as long as there was no emotional attachment. Master will not play without an emotional attachment so we just don't go there.
ReplyDeletehi dancing
DeleteIt definitley has to be something your both in complete agreement with, so good for him and you that he knows where his and your limitations are.
xx