"I will do anything" sounds great until your confronted with 'anything', i have moments which i liken to 'pillow talk' when i tell him i will do anything for him mostly when im feeling vunerable, this isnt about having limits and holding back from the dominant its about being realistic.
A comment on my last post (about that yucky thing ewww!) asked "what if your Master wanted it" which is unlikely but it does bring about the question of how far would i go to please him? there are 3 words here that come to mind....could, would and should. There was also an interesting observation of "how do you deal with a demand for something that you and your partner have never agreed was a hard limit?"
Pleasing him is important to me and there are occassions i submit to things that i dont enjoy, his pleasure, needs and wants come before mine....but and this is a big BUT would he intentionally ask something of me that i could not cope with on a physical or more importantly an emotional level? something that would be damaging to us?
No. is the short answer. Hence why i believe no-limits is an unrealistic concept, everyone has a breaking point, he doesnt want to break me down, he wants me to grow, to flourish, enforcing something on me that would be damaging...well thats no use to him.
I think when we start out on this journey of ttwd there is a level of uncertaintly to where it will lead, i couldnt have predicted i would be where i am now, i enjoy things i never thought i would, i have experienced things i didnt know about before i started this path. There are more than likely going to be areas where one wants something more than the other and when its the dominant wanting something it is conflicting because as his slave i want to be able to give him everything he wants and desires.
So yeah it comes back around to that good old fashioned talking....and listening....and sometimes (more often than not) its not resolved over night, when he is informed of the reasoning why i have difficulty with something then he can make a decision on whether to pursue the issue or not or just broach it at another time...growth and all that!
The important thing is he knows i want/need to please him and for the most part i am obedient so if a situation was to arrive where i balked at something he asked of me and in a serious way then its not something to be taken lightly. I am all for being pushed, i like being pushed but the dominant needs to know his submissive very well, his/her triggers and to be able to separate fantasy from reality and the reality is yes i have fantasies who doesnt but some i know as much as they may turn me on in my head, if they were to happen it would be far too much that i could cope with.
Just because he is Master doesnt mean he could, should or would, its about taking responsibility and sometimes that means realising and accepting that "i would do anything" has limitiations.
You said it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThanks Heather
Deletex
Well said. I believe that is why trust is so important. I love, protect, and care for my sub. Most tops/doms do as well. We do not want to go where we should not go either.
ReplyDeleteExcellent topic and one I ponder about all the time.
Hug,
Joey
Thanks joey
DeleteI do believe that trust is fundemental....trust that the dominant will not abuse the subs trust.
x
This is a very good post. So apt to a conversation that I had just last night with H.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, when you agreed to submit to everything someone asked, you didn't do it with some random guy you met on the street corner. I think people forget that part - that we are submitting to a person we trust. In an environment of trust.
Or maybe, I am just resaying what you already said, but that is because I liked it so much. :)
Thanks kitty
DeleteI think that is an important element that it takes time to build that trust, it doesnt happen overnight not genuine trust.....and being realistic its so easy to get carried away in the beginning with the newness of it all....aka..sub frenzy.
x
I agree with what you have written here. There have been on a few occassions things that I have suggested that Master feels would be damaging to me on some emotional levels. In those cases he either shoots them down or wants to take it slowly, it is because of this that I am more willing to try some of things I am a little scared or leery of. I trust him to know what we should do.
ReplyDeleteHi dancing
DeleteSometimes we need them to slow us down, there has been many occassion where i have realised i have to walk before i can run lol but i trust him to know when that is.
x
This is an outstanding post. It is his primary goal and desire to take care of me, and he is often more careful with my emotional state than I am.
ReplyDeleteThankyou June
DeleteThe emotional state is often overlooked and yet its so important.
x
I agree, great post.
ReplyDeleteOur conversation on limits sounded a bit different but meant the same thing.
I said I'd do anything for him. He said I wouldn't. I said I'd do anything he asked, but I trusted him not to ask me to do certain things. He said "That's because you're no dummy." Yep. I wouldn't be enslaved to a psycho, that is true.
lol i like that...but thats exactly it i think it takes a good dominant to realise that 'anything' has its limitations and to recognise where they are.
Deletex
I may be completely out of line, but I think people ask questions like that because they need to have validation that it is ok to say "no" to your D if he/she becomes an abusive jerk. Abusive jerk syndrome can be such a slow rolling ball, that it is hard to recognize...and I think a lot of people just to be given "permission" that it is ok to protect yourself, b/c, not all D's can be as great as yours. ;)
ReplyDeleteActually, I think what you guys have is rare and beautiful, which is why I love your blog. :)
Thats a very good point and one i hadnt considered but yes especially when first starting out and there is subfrenzy, no has its place and the dominant needs to be able to listen to a subs needs and limitations.
DeleteThanks very much, we have our moments but i do think im very lucky that i snapped him up lol
xx
a great post tori...it all boils down to trust, trust in His judgement.
ReplyDeletethanks blossom
Deleteyep trust in the doms judgement is essential, sure they can make mistakes we are all human, but i need to know that he wouldnt intentionally 'damage' me.
x
Love this post. I've said "anything" more than once..but we've gone slowly and talked a lot. I know he doesn't want damaged goods.. so he'll never push me too hard. Rather, he pushes just hard enough when he really wants something.
ReplyDeletethankyou nbs
DeletePushing is good, i love to be pushed and i trust him to know when i need to be and when to give me time.
x