Renne Rose wrote an interesting article about non consent, and its place in fiction http://www.reneeroseromance.com/2012/11/why-non-consent-is-hot.html?zx=2987ad86964a19aa and its a topic that interests me but more so its place in ttwd.
We practise cnc (consensual non-consent) in our relationship which put simply means that my consent is a given, he does not seek it throughout our relationship, it is clearly understood that i dont deny him any part of me in whatever form this may take.
There are many scenarios in which i consider this 'hot', i like the fact that i dont get a choice in what he wants to do to me or/and what he wants full stop in all aspects, for the sake of argument lets go with the fact that im in a healthy M/s dynamic and he isnt going to expect something which is damaging to me, so it means that there are things i dont really like in that given a choice i would not do them.
Its a big turn on for me to 'have' to endure when i dont feel like and want it and when its happening im hating it and i want it to stop but he wont, i am forced into the position he wants me and not necessarily physical force, he knows what to say to trigger me into obedience and he is always calm, never shouts but its made clear that i will do as im instructed. Its afterwards im buzzing and i find it 'hot' because it demonstrates his control over me, i dont have a 'get-out' and this provides me with the security i need....personally part of my respect for him is because he doesnt back down and if he wants something done...it will be done either the easy or the hard way.
Sometimes its not 'hot', it can be bloody infuriating when im genuinely not wanting do to something or i dont agree with a decision he makes, it might (and usually is) discussed but if he is determined with how he wants something to be then thats how it will be, there is no 'pick n mix' in my submission, i dont get to choose what i will submit to and what i wont, if i find it 'hot' thats great if i dont too bad. This is what works for us, its not the 'ideal' its not how it should be....its us!
Its not always easy, in fact its damn hard at times but im happy, i would not want it any other way...and you know he wants me happy, might do things sometimes that dont make me happy but hey im sure all relationships no matter their 'structure' including vanilla are not always consistently happy....whats more important is overall im happy and the times im not are fleeting.