Friday 10 July 2015

Bringing out the worst

A week or so ago, maybe longer, time just flies! there was a thread on Fetlife, that I contributed to, it started out very simply about dining out, it escalated into the appropriateness of exposing others to the life we lead.

I stated my opinion at various points, eventually i had to walk away from it, it was just getting ridiculous, but mostly i stepped away because i didnt like myself very much, in fact, on reflecting on it further, i was ashamed of myself for various reasons..

Although i stand by my opinions, i could have expressed them without being snide or bitchy, reading back through them thats how i came across, and i didnt like that side of me, and im pretty sure if Master was to read them he wouldnt be too impressed either...and i do care about how he thinks of me and how i behave.

I lost sight of what i have always been so defencive about, and that is respecting another persons opinion, even though i disagree with it, and perhaps strongly so, as this was the case, one should still be able to make their point without it getting nasty, looking back through that thread, it was no different from playground bullying tactics, that i allowed myself to be a part of that, well im not proud of myself.

So i made myself a Fetlife rule/or in general an online rule..

if i cant say anything nice or positive to anyone, dont say anything at all, because it is possible to disagree with someone without it needing to be nasty in any form.

Last night i was reading a thread, and it left me feeling appalled, a girl of 18, new to ttwd posted a question, within it she said she understood that "not all submissives are slaves but all slaves are submissive" something she had read somewhere or heard.

Very quickly she was jumped on for making a generalised statement, now dont get me wrong, one of my pet hates is people saying a slave etc must/should be xyz, and it doesnt go down to well when people make them.

But rather than giving a polite response most, not all people focused on that one statement and tore her to shreds, she got defencive, and i dont bloody blame her at all, although she would have been better off ignoring them.

But you know what, she is 18, new...ffs, it seems that when it comes to the internet and how people treat one another, common decency goes out the bloody window, its like its ok to be rude, bitchy etc because its words on a screen.

I fell into that, it brought out the worst of me, not a pleasant sight at all, and its made me question myself, but most of all reminding myself..to treat others how i would like to be treated.













8 comments:

  1. Tori, I have been on FL for a while now and what you describe is exactly why I stay away from the threads.

    Now there are some serious trolls out there but rather than waste my time answering their nonsensical question, it's just easier to ignore them and go about my day. Then there are those that have an honest question and the discussion gets so far off base, its ridiculous. On rare occasions I might comment but only in certain groups. Some groups are less snide than others. I feel bad because it is suppose to be a resource for people to turn to. They come there thinking how great it is to finally find a place of accepting people only to find there is a whole lot of judgment.

    It's very easy to get caught up in the energy so kudos to you for recognizing that and wanting to make sure you don't follow suit. I have to admit though, I have seen some of your comments and they didn't strike me as bullyish.

    Anyways, hugs to you and best wishes for a wonderful weekend!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you

      It was horrible to read back and see how i was, i didnt like myself much.

      Its by no means all groups, but some in particular, i just sit here amazed at the blatant rudeness and even more so nasty behaviour, and the fact that they seem proud that they behave that way.

      x

      Delete
  2. I so agree with little girl and have also seen what you talk about. Like you, I have made a pact with myself not to get involved in the drama of others, though often I have wanted to support the kind of people, often new and even more so, very young who get trolled so horribly.

    I am enjoying reading your thoughts and contributions though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its difficult also to not to want to step in and support those who are being picked on, because a lot of the time thats what it looks like, i try to think about how i come across when i do write something.

      It is possible to make an opinion without it being nasty, or bitchy, and it is mainly woman, and so many seem unable to do that.

      x

      Delete
  3. I left FetLife for this and a host of other reasons. It got to the point that going there was a complete waste of my time. I don`t miss it in the least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it wasn't for the fact that there are some groups i do enjoy and feel comfortable with, i would leave myself.

      x

      Delete
  4. You made a mistake and know how not to do it again that is what matters but i agree people think just because its online it gives them a right to not behave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes i did, and im damn sure i wont allow it to happen again, i wouldnt want people thinking of me like i am of some of them, and more so i care about how my Master thinks of me.

      x

      Delete