Saturday, 30 August 2014

Going down the rabbit hole

Anon asked

"Do you ever worry how far your masochism will go or take you?  and how much more you may mentally desire compared to what your body/skin can tolerate.  If today it is 1 needle, tomorrow will it be 10, 20, 100?  Without the care from a good dominant to say, no enough, do you ever wander how far the rabbit hole will go?"

I used to worry about it a lot in the beginning when i realised and accepted my masochism, perhaps because it was all so new and i was discovering all these things that excited me, turned me on, that yes it would worry me about how far i would go.

I still do at times now, but those moments are fleeting, i wander perhaps this is a common train of thought for most masochists?

Mentally there are certainly times i desire more that what my body/skin can take, an example of this is back a while ago when my Master was caning me.

Im very receptive to the cane (most of the time) and can take a severe caning, usually slip into subspace quite easily and when i do, its almost like i cross the pain barrier, it just no longer hurts, its more of a pleasant thuddy sensation.

This particular time i was floating in my own little world whilst the caning continued, then i realised the caning had stopped, i was annoyed, i was enjoying the sensations, i wanted more, i asked for more, but he refused which quite frankly pissed me off, i begged that i could take more, still he would not...and mentally i could have taken more...but

physically i could not, which i realised when he released me from the table and i looked in the mirror, my ass/thighs were a bloody mess, literally a bloody mess, much more caning and the risk of permanent damage would have been high.

So thinking about what you said about if today it is 1 needle, tomorrow will it be 10 etc (which btw, as i love needles, 1 would never be enough and nor would 10 lol) i do think elements of s/m can be addictive, or rather the sensations that come along with certain activities.

So if indeed these are sensations that one derives pleasure from, and enjoys the activity it stands to reason that one will seek more, or perhaps as it is in my case, i do tend to want to seek out new edges, to find a new high, and the s/m spectrum is so diverse i could keep going for a long, long time.

When or if it gets to a point that my Master, and myself to a certain extent, no longer finds enjoyment from engaging in such activities, then that is when it will stop.

Thankfully i consider my Master a good dominant, and he is an experienced sadist so i try not to worry about how far down the rabbit hole i will go, because i know i have him as my safety harness and he will say "no, enough", but yes i think if i was in different hands, that of a dominant that really didnt give a care about my mental or physical well being then i could potentially be dropped down the rabbit hole a lot further than i could emotionally/physically handle.

Thanks for the question, i hope my reply answered it sufficiently.







13 comments:

  1. Well stated, I agree wholeheartedly. As a fellow masochist, I rely on Sir to tell me when I've had enough. He pushes my edges just far enough, but never endangers my safety. Many times if it were up to me, I would have had him continue well past where my body would be damaged. Luckily he knows me better than I know myself and stops before permanent damage occurs.
    xoxo

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    1. Yep, i do think the key to it all is having a dominant that will stop and say when it is enough, and it takes a lot of trust on both parties to go down this path.

      x

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  2. Thank you for answering the question. Excellently, by the way. I am in a similar situation and in truth, it scares the pants off me, quite literally. I wanted /needed more, begged, pleaded, like you, was a little miffed, they stopped. My worry, is although SSC RISK, I still wanted more, even though my skin did not, so I was left unfulfilled, almost an incomplete scene. Mine too was a caning (which I adore). Plus as you say the addictive nature (not subspace for me as I do not go there). I left S&M because of this a while back and centred myself more on the mental aspects, mind f..king, mental edge play, fear and resistance, which took away the risk of my skin and did fulfil me, however damaging the mind then became a risk. New relationship, different style, I know find myself back to square 1. The only thing I can think of, is causing different pain, via different routes, maximum pain but in turn by something that causes minimal skin damage. A thought in progress. . . Again many thanks for answering the question. I appreciate it x

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    1. your very welcome, it gave pause for thought when answering.

      How about electrical play? can be extremely painful but without damage.

      x

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    2. Thanks for the reply, I have ventured into electrics, but it does not tend to give that same post feeling as a good caning, flogging, impact play when finished for me. Like you, I love needles, again, they tick the acute pain boxes, but as soon as removed, nothing post. It just scares me realistically, I am well cared for, monitored, not daft, been around a long time, but this still scares me, just how much I can take and still want/plead for just that one more. It`s not an addiction, as I cannot play like this every day, or every week. My bum has never turned to leather either, so I bruise each and every time. Thoughts in progress . . . Again my thanks for taking the time to answer

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  3. Hi Tori, interesting question and great answer! Thank you for sharing. I think having a good dominant who will stop and say "enough" is important.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. thanks Rox

      Yep agree it all really does come down to having that good dominant.

      x

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  4. I think your last paragraph says it all. It all starts with having the right Dom, one that cares for your well being.

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  5. Yep, i really do think that all that matters is having that right dom.

    x

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  6. Though I do understand it coming down to the dominant/sadist and I absolutely agree having a good Man/Woman, who is constantly monitoring skin integrity, care, mental and physical before, during and after. What of the SSC RISK masochist that thrives on this sort of play and begs/pleads/wants more? Walks away "dissatisfied" for want of a much better word? I don`t have the answer, only along the lines, that perhaps the form of sadomasochism takes on a different form, maximum pain, minimal skin damage. It is wonderful to have a person, say enough, I care for you, all of you, no more, but being left hanging, begging desperately is unpleasant in itself, just for that 1 more needle, 1 more cane strike, whip etc.

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    1. the only solution I can offer may not work for you but...

      I also worry about escalation, but I have a growing love of denial, of that being left wanting - it feeds my emotional masochism for sure.

      I used to hate it when he was tired and didn't avail himself of my 'always available' clause, but I seem to have fetishized (if that's a word) that now, so even that feeds that void a little too now.

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