Blast into the past

empting out the draft, folder, because blogger is being a shit, and i have just lost the post i had wrote.

i had a 2 year break from blogger, a few years back, so might as well sneak out the posts i wrote then, but never published.

October 2009

I love being collared and put on a leash, its the only time i get to wear a collar, but im nervous this time as we are going over to M and c's for..well kink stuff, she is really attractive, and i know i shouldnt compare, but i cant help it, he well, i like him, but not like that, not in im attracted to him way, not that it matters to you whether i feel any attraction to him or not.

But i do genuinely like them both, he is so relaxed, jolly, not as rigid as you are, dont take that the wrong way, your strict, formal, yes i know its good for me to learn and have discipline, to reinforce my enslavement, but sometimes its hard.

Im content to just kneel beside your chair,whilst you and M talk, trying not to fidget, i want you to be proud of me, c is making drinks, i dont think i can drink, too nervous, unless its vodka! but you wouldnt let me drink alcohol anyway, which is a bummer, this would all be so much easier if i was blotto, but its not as bad as the first time we did this, the first time i think is the worst in most cases..dunno, maybe.

Im itching to ask questions, ones that i hadnt thought of until this moment, but i know you wouldnt approve of me speaking out until im invited to or addressed, you unclip the leash, and when you do address me my heart sinks a little because you tell me to stand and strip.

I dont want to, and i hesitate, just a little, but enough for you to have to repeat yourself, and i feel bad, i know you do not like to have to repeat instructions, and im really shit at obeying sometimes immediately, but im nervous for goodness sake, give me a free pass.

After im naked, you tell me to kneel down again, i instinctively want to cover myself, but i know better than that, c comes back in, and sits next to her Master on the sofa, hmm im not allowed on the furniture!  i feel out of place, Master casually plays with my hair as they talk, its like he can sense my discomfort and that i need reassurance.

will finish off later, i want to get it down whilst its still fresh in my head, im tired, but a good, well beaten and used kind of tired.