Friday, 27 June 2008

to consent or not to consent?

I have been pondering lately over the issue of consent and its relevance in an M/s relationship, is it relevant at all?

I am fully aware that upon agreeing to be His slave and it is something i willingly wanted that i would be giving up the right to a safeword and the choice of what i would and would not do, and im sane and intelligent enough to understand what i was agreeing too. I consented to being His slave and i have never had any doubts that it was the right decision for me, its not something i took or do take lightly, but i didnt anticipate until recently how it would make me feel when confronted with something i really dont want to do.

Its the needles, i dont want bloody needles in my nipples, im not being awkward and its not the pain aspect at all that bothers me (although thats a small factor) its the eek factor that i cant explain, i feel sick at the thought of it and its always something i have resisted so far, it doesnt help that last time He used the needles i didnt enjoy it and they are still something i could take or leave i certainly wouldnt be bothered if they wasnt used again..but is that because i didnt like it last time or not.....i dont know. Its also a different feeling and reaction to say the whip or inflatable butt plug which both i dislike and can happily go without, but i endure them because they do hold an appeal in a sado-masochist sort of way as well as the fact that i dont have a choice. Even though i dont have a choice with needles i still cant come to terms or accept the idea of having them in my nipples and im subconciously worried i will throw a tantrum which will no doubt make things much worse as ultimatley if He wants them in the nipples then thats where there why am i finding it so hard to get my head round?

To make it even more bewildering He plans to bring some electrical cable to whip me with (if He remembers) and that will hurt, according to Him it will be very painful yet that doesnt disturb me at all (well not at the moment anyway), yet needles in my nipples is freaking me doesnt make any sense. I also know that He probably anticipates im going to try and get out of it and contrary to what you think Sir i havent wrote this in an effort to sway you.

So no its not something im willingly consenting to, does this make it abuse? no. It makes it an informed decision as in i knew and accepted that there would be occasions such as this that would go against what i want..but then its back to the basics really..its simply not about what i want and thats how it should be.

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