Sometimes He really frustrates me and i find it hard to keep my mouth shut and not go off on a rant, like today im getting worked up about my list and im not allowed to mention it again, the subject is closed well until the weekend we meet. Well thats all very well for Him, but im getting my knickers in a twist over what He is going to do and i hate not knowing and its eating away at me. And im failing miserably at stopping myself from protesting and saying no to Him, i came close to having another thing added to the bloody list today because of my attitude and then i feel bad especially as i only wrote about improving my behaviour on here a couple days ago.
I feel sometimes that i behave like a child throwing a tantrum because somethings are not going my way, not that this gets me anywhere with Him, because in vanilla life i tend to get a lot of things my own way my attitude at times overlaps into my relationship with Him and obviously being the nature of the relationship it is, this is not appropriate. I have a habit of losing sight of the fact that His pleasure comes before mine and being a slave means no say in how He chooses to use me, He said last week that i have a tendency to forget He is my owner not my partner and that was a bit of a reality jolt because i realised He was right and i do behave disrespectfully more than i should. Im sorry Sir.