Obedience to authority

I have just finished reading a book about Stanley Milgram whom carried out experiments and research back in the 60's on obedience....im a nerd, social structures and why we behave the way we do interests me.

a quote from the book

"obedience is as basic an element in the structure of social life as one can point to"

Although the book, experiments and research is in no way related to D/s, obedience is, and its what motivates one to obey that interested me, why does one obey in situations that perhaps go against what they want, believe is right, or goes against their instinct?

We are all acountable to authority in some form, employers, law and the military comes to mind, but in relationships no, yet in M/s or as it is for me i am accountable to the bossmans authority, it means that in some situations i obey even though its not what i want, believe to be right and perhaps rarer goes against my instinct.

I accept his authority without question because i respect his integrity, i trust that he wouldnt ask anything of me that would intentionally be detrimental to me and us, my motivation to obey is because i know he values obedience.

Master does tend to have a very black and white outlook in this regard, with little ...well no room for manoeuvre...its simply "you either choose to obey or not" a 'not' results in consequences, and i am punished because by not obeying im not respecting his authority over me.

For me its not so black and white, not always, sometimes i will try to seek out a loophole, to explain my reasonings, i never as of yet got anywhere by doing this, my arguments have been shall we say very colourful at times, think 'the dog ate my homework' excuse lol

His black and white attitude, would annoy me, that he wouldnt listen to reason, that sometimes there are reasonable explanations for ones actions, dont get me wrong i would feel bad that i had disobeyed him, i dont get any benefit out of displeasing him.

But anyway reading this book, got me thinking, and applying what i read to our situation, if you think of those in the military..they take an oath to obey orders, recruits from day one are taught and trained to obey, immediatley and without question.  I think its reasonable to say that sometimes they may have orders that they dont agree with, that they dont think are right..but they obey if they dont there are consequences.

That is what he expects and wants, its put this whole 'following blindly' logic in a different light, as i have questioned on occassion if thats a good thing, following blindly that is, its never really potrayed in a positive light, but yet if i trust him as i do, then really is it such a bad thing?

Dear Dim Dom

Sending messages of

"Yo, love your tits.   very hot experienced male dom here, 34 looking for serious playtime with no limits, possible relationship with a sexy slut, email me at xyz"

oh where to start..ok

first drop the "yo" first impressions do count..my first thought was "twat"..im guessing thats not a thought you want a potential playmate to have! 

very hot! are you? you might not be to me?  yes i like confident men..a huge turn on for me is a man especially a dominant man to know what he wants and knows how to get it....but im not interested in how you look, its what you think thats important....what im thinking is ....oh my its another "im gods gift to women"..i'll pass thanks

experienced? right, im guessing your experience is limited to collarme or kinky chatrooms where you will most certainly have met your soulmate because she would reply to your message with

"yo Master, sexy slut here looking to be dominated by a hot sexy man like you, im up for anything"

I love my tits as well, in fact im rather attached to them!

That is just so unfair.

Im ok with asking for what i would like for the most part, sometimes dependent on what i want i still feel embarrassed, maybe a little ashamed...i would much rather he read my mind and did what i wanted without me having to spell it out...usually he has a pretty good idea about what i want....unfortunatley being the mean man that he is..he gets a thrill out of making me spell it out..detailing specifically what i would like him to do to me...he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

I mumble, that i just want him to hurt me, he isnt satisfied with that..."I know, but how do you want me to hurt you?" mmmhmm so i try to reflect it back onto him with the standard..however pleases you? nope bastard aint having that either "What would please me is you telling me what you want, now"

the cane please?  and he wants to know where i want it, how many i want, how hard, i mumble replies until he is satisfied with the answers and im getting more exited, expectant, i just dont care how many, or where, i just want it now..please Sir?

"no"

goddamn bloody sadists.

The difference is....

This bloody post has been sat in drafts, edited and adapted so many times in the last week, so sod it, i cant edit anymore, its going out as is.

I had been having this debate with a friend about what makes M/s relationships (generally understood to be Master/slave) different to D/s relationships(Dominant/submissive)?

It was quite a heated debate, we are both very opinionated, i dont agree with the hierarchy theory..ie that M/s is superior to D/s and D/s is superior to Top/bottom..i think its just simply that we all have different needs.....i like, need and thrive on being controlled.

Its like my thoughts on this could well differ from someone elses thoughts on M/s.

I think M/s is focused on TPE, the dominant has control over every aspect of the submissives life that he chooses to, its total, nothing held back, the dominant possesses the submissive, like in history where Masters owned slaves, they were property.....whereas this is consensual slavery, it is chosen...the focus is perhaps on internal enslavement...ie its not about kinky sex or s/m (although yes these are usually present in some form).

Ok so the inevitable question that might be asked..how am i defining slave...and this is the best explanation which works for me..

This is from the definition of "slave" in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: "One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights."

Adding again that this is based on consent.

So bearing in mind of how i have explained M/s, i would say that this applies to those that are 24/7, simply because of the intensity and TPE implying total....you cant in my mind have this total control over someone when its not day in..day out,...but its not about being 'superior' that i am totally sure of.

ps  yes we are still bickering (nicely) over this.

Downtime

Its been over a month, perhaps 2 months, since he introduced having the butt plug inserted every day for 15 mins, and for the most part i dont mind it at all, sure there are times when i think i could really do without this....but then thats when i need it most.  I did try to wangle my way out of it yesterday..citing that it is a public holiday..so do i get a day off as well? ...no i dont!

Like a lot of others, and contrary to myth being a slave doesnt mean i spend my time locked in a cage, and taken out for use only....(although this is a huge fantasy of mine lol), i work, have the children, housework..the normal everyday stuff that we do and it gets busy...stressful at times....and those times are when it has affected my behaviour in a negative way..i get stroppy, irritable..basically disagreeable.

But this ritual, which is done during the day..honestly sometimes trying to fit in the 15 mins takes some juggling! especially during the school holidays and there is lots going on..but i havent missed a day since i started...no thats a lie...i was unwell one day so was excused.

Anyway by having these 15 minutes of what can i call it umm 'downtime' im not sure thats apt! but taking time out of the everyday hustle bustle of work, family, home stuff etc and to be able to kneel and just spend this time thinking about me, submission, him, and us, is having a positive effect on my behaviour, my thoughts..and its noticible.

I realise i needed this time, its good for both of us, thats not to say its an instant cure for stroppy behaviour lol ...nor does it induce the perfect submissive (i wish!)..i still have my moments.....but its different, im different in a subtle way...difficult to explain.

Families little mysteries

Why is it when i choose to go and have a relaxing bubbly bath....and i have made it clear more than once that unless its really important i dont want to be disturbed...so when my son sits on the bed outside the bathroom and announces he wants to talk, i figure its important

clearly we have different ideas of what important means..."mum what do you think the chances are of me getting a PS4 for xmas are?"

really!!! its not even the end of August, and thats not important, my relaxing bath turns into a full on argument....the answer is  "not a bloody chance"

We have a visitor in our house called Notme, apparently many other families have the same visitor as well, he comes around quite a lot, Notme is responsible for a lot of issues here, he leaves dirty dishes on the sides, he leaves the back door open, he dumps laundry on the floor, he leaves empty containers in the fridge.....he is a unwelcome visitor.

Pens and pencils.....i really should invest in shares...because i seem to buy them constantly but when i want one...oh they are nowhere to be found..maybe its Notme.

Socks...what is about socks, that they start off as pairs and then they mysteriously go astray, and i waste (i hate to think how much time) emptying laundry baskets (last place i should look really, im sure everyone thinks there for decoration only), looking in drawers and i cant find a matching pair.

So sod it if you cant beat em, join em...im changing me name to..

Notme

The white flag

I surrender.

How has this happened. 

Im a stroppy, sulky bitch, i push you, i give it all the 'well im not happy about this and im going to make sure you are very aware of this in any way i can' dance, im not exactly an epitome of submissiveness.

You persevered, im not sure you can have much patience left!  you saw me for what i was before i even did, it was 'fun' in my mind at the beginning, it still is fun, but my idea of being a slave certainly didnt mesh with yours....that soon became apparent.

I have fought you, outright disobeyed you, i have desperately tried to cling onto every last bit of control of my being that i can, and slowly, patiently almost without me realising it....everything that i am is yours, how did that creep up on me!...you sneaky man.

In what i thought of as my weak moments, i confess to you that i will do whatever you ask of me, in your arrogance (yes i did say that!) you reply "I know".

Its not a weakness though, and why has it taken me so long to see that.

So yes, i give in, your right

the white flag was raised a long time ago, i just dont recall when.