Like the Mary Celeste

I woke up this morning really late nearly eleven when i got up..shame on me but it was bliss, and the house was (and still is yeahhh) empty and unusually quiet what the fuck is going on, Saturday morning its normally a buzz of activity.  I thought i better get on the phone and track down where everyone was and they have all gone out for the day apparently to give me a break and to let me get on with things which is really appreciated, coming up to the end of the summer term and im at my most busiest well Christmas coming in a close second, paperwork, planning and such and i have been working late all week.

So jumped straight in the shower and then set to work and just being able to go about and get on with no distractions was just what i needed, the upstairs in the house are all hoovered, cleaned etc, i have gotten through 7 school reports only another 15 to go sigh...done most of my planning for next week so now well now im typing this (i need a break) and really what i really want is to be able to go up and lie on the bed and masturbate but im not allowed..he isnt too pleased with me at the moment because my recent behaviour hasnt been too good so im being denied pleasure.

The diversity of this community

I love how blogging brings together a cross selection of people that are engaged in an alternative lifestyle and the differences or similiarities between them, one common trait seems to be that there is more general acceptance of others lives even if its not something that would appeal there is respect that thats what does it for them and personally i find it interesting, i like the different perspectives.

I tend to come accross other blogs via comments in one blog, if i read a blog i always read the comments others have put, if one of the comments resonantes with me on some level or im just being nosy i will click on it to go to their blog and so on.and ultimatley you end up with a pool of different relationships that have a common thread ie ttwd.  I dont necessarily comment on all the blogs posts i follow but i do read them mostly, there are times some pass me by.

What prompted this post actually was kitty at http://kitty-sweetsurrender.blogspot.co.uk/?zx=b27770c3a925f8d7 and her comment to my last post, what i engage in and the type of relationship im in isnt to everyones taste and as i follow kitty's blog i could imagine that elements of it wouldnt be to her liking but there isnt anything wrong with that, there was no judgement on kitty's part and i found that refreshing to be honest.

Its a far cry from bdsm or lifestyle sites, chatrooms and forums, it is i think more real and more representative of people lives for the most part.  I started blogging as an outlet for my thoughts etc and that is still a reason why i blog but also because i realise its good to be part of a community where you can laugh with people (not at them) and their adventures, feel sadness, be happy for them and although many in the community will never meet face to face you do in a strange way consider some of them friends.

What i needed

It was nearly bedtime and he came in holding electrical flex..gulp that bloody hurts (not nice hurt!), he instructed me to be lie on the bed on my back, i watched as he put the flex into a loop and my poor boobies and stomach got it, the only thing i will say about it is it leaves the most distinctive curved welts and thats the only positive thing...it hurts a lot.

He had me sit astride him whilst he was sitting up in the bed and offer my tits up for needles which isnt a problem because i love needles im a bit unsure about them in my nipples because its a more sharper pain.  As i sat astride him i could feel the hardness of his cock and i wanted it, i love the blood, watching it trickle down over my tits, i need to keep still and he is going to put a needle through my nipple and i have to offer it up and i do, then i pull away hesitating, if i want his cock i need to offer it up and hold still.

I cry out a little as it goes in but its an instinctive reaction once its in its over, it does look nice i could quite happily keep them in for a time, one down, one to go and its not so much a struggle this time so i get my reward, usually i dont like going on top, my favourite is doggy style but hey im not complaining and it was a buzz having sex with the needles in and seeing the blood dripping and i got a couple orgasms out of it.

I like taking them out myself, he finds it amusing that i get so excited about the blood. is there a kink for people that get turned on by blood? there must be there is for everything else pretty much, the first time he caned my ass to the point it was bleeding i was jumping around in excitment (once he had untied me) i now get a bit disappointed when im not bleeding somewhere after a good session but i understand why he wont always take me to that point and sometimes when im not in the right headspace i cant cope with it.

Enthusiasm

One of his 'issues' with me is my lack of enthusiasm at times, apparently i should be enthusiastic about whatever he decides or wants to do regardless of whether i want it, like it or to be frank just not in the mood.   It doesnt happen a lot but really its not possible to always be enthusuastic i swear, i mean sometimes rather than sucking cock i would prefer be left alone to finish my book, sometimes i would rather be relaxing in a nice bubbly bath than having my ass whipped, i dont outright refuse thats just not acceptable but rather it may be an exagerrated sigh or a "really, are you sure you wouldnt prefer a cup of tea"..well i am English and over here tea is the soloution to everything!

Of course when its the other way around its different and im not complaining because thats just the way it is, sure it can be irritating at times when im in the mood and he isnt and if i get a no then thats it, apparently "no" is not part of my vocabulary.

So yeah being enthusiastic, im working on it...now time to make a nice cup of tea.

I dont like it but it turns me on..bisexuality

Lil over at http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/sometimes-i-like-it-just-because-i-dont.html?zx=7de62dcc322a4c33 wrote this and its a concept that struck a chord with me and its one of those subjects that people will get or wont.

I would not say i was bisexual, i dont as a rule find women a sexual turn on, i can appreciate a good looking women but feel no attraction, i have had sexual encounters with women but its been limited to giving them oral only...literally as in having my head shoved down there.

I think its a man thing in general the whole 2 women scenario, for Master its more than just witnessing the sexual act he enjoys my reluctance and distaste for giving a women oral sex, he knows its something i do because i want to please him and i have no say in the matter its not something i would choose to do, but yet i prefer it over giving a man (other than my Master) oral sex.

The first time he arranged for me to be with a women i was scared, anxious and certainly not looking forward to it, i had tried to get him to change his mind, i protested stroppily, i begged but he wasnt going to be moved.  He tied me to a chair naked with my legs open and put a blindfold on me which im glad of, i needed the security of bondage and the loss of sight to be able to 'escape' into my head, it has the effect of calming me down somewhat.

Then i felt the women between my legs and my natural instinct was to try to prevent it but because of being restrained i couldnt and you just have to accept it because there is no other option, i wanted to hate it, i didnt want to be aroused but i was but in all fairness i was aroused before he started tying me to the chair, she succeeded in bringing me to orgasm which i know seems strange but i felt ashamed, i didnt want to like it.  But i enjoy recieving oral sex and bottom line coming from a women or a man its the same thing, the only difference when Master does it to me is he obviously has the advantage of knowing how i like it and he will tease and torment etc.

My turn.  This was what i was dreading the most, still blindfolded he untied me from the chair, put me onto all fours bent over and guided my head to between her legs..she was lying on the floor. Yuck! thats what i have to say about that, i know i have a pussy as well but ewww i dont like tasting myself and this was worse, i recall trying to pull my head away but he pushed and held me back down so i wasnt going anywhere. 

So i resigned myself to the fact that i had to get on with it, and i tried ok not as enthusiastically as she had but this was my first time and she had plenty more experience than me and really enjoyed it, i was reluctant and uncomfortable, i think i lapped at it like an ice cream without putting any real thought into whether she was enjoying it or not.  I dont know exactly how long he kept me down there perhaps around 10 mins before he let me up, he told me that he was pleased with me and asked the other women what she thought, i cant remember what she said it couldnt have been really bad as i have no doubt if that was the case my head would have been shoved right back down there....i think she actually felt a little sorry for me and even if she didnt enjoy it and thought it was crap she wouldnt have said so.

It was humiliating, degrading, and distasteful now i knew for sure that i didnt like it and i didnt but afterwards i was so turned on and when later that evening we discussed it and i told him that i didnt enjoy it, talking about it turned me on i couldnt keep my hands off him.  The scenario as it was was a huge turn on, i was turned on by having no choice in what happened, having him hold me down between her legs until he was satisfied, the actual act of oral sex on her had nothing to do with it, it was the control over me that turned me on, that i would do something i dislike for him and knowing that he knows that, and also knowing he knows me better than i know myself, he told me all along i would get turned on by it but i adamantly refused to believe it.

There has been more encounters since then with other women, i still feel the same way that if i could i would not do it but the very fact that my voice in this matter bears no relevance and if he wants it it will happen is very arousing.

Short and sweet..well maybe not sweet

Sometimes they are just unfathomable and unreasonable.....and they say women are complicated!

Thats all i have to say about that.

Keeping it in check

These relationships tend to provoke the most intense emotions with the submissive putting the dominant on a pedestal to be worshipped, i guess its easy to get carried away with how wanderful our dominants are, they are the greatest, the best and to be swept away by how they make us feel and for the most part there is nothing wrong with this but sometimes there needs to be an injection of reality, to not let these intense feelings and ideas get out of hand whereby the submissives train of thoughts become blurred and its also what makes them vunerable and rash decisions and declarations are made because of the desperation to please.

You would think this applies just to the newbies when its all new and fresh and exciting, to the more younger and inexperienced but this is not the case not always.   I had made a post recently regarding a sub making a rash and totally inappropriate declaration about her dominant and mouse made a comment in reply to that post which made me think about it from a different perspective, one that i hadnt considered and that of the responsiblitly of the dominant to correct and perhaps manage the subs train of thoughts..to keep them in check.

I would think this is managed through communication, the importance of the dominant knowing whats going through his subs head, no im not expecting them to be mind readers (things i call him in my head sometimes its bloody good he cant read minds!) but talking, listening which seems obvious but yet how often do you hear "he/she doesnt listen, not really listen" or "he/she doesnt like/want to talk about it" and im guilty of the latter.

Im digressing but the point is by talking and listening the dominant can be aware of how the sub is thinking and if he doesnt like a particular train of thought he can correct it, explaining why its not appropriate, this is not about brainwashing the sub to only think what the dominant thinks but rather to avoid the pitfulls of rash declarations like the "i will do anything...." etc.

Personally i tend to shy away from making the "my dominant is wanderful, do anything yadda yadda" type of  posts (probably is more 'lovey dovey' stuff in the beginning when i started out) not because i think there is anything wrong with them but im just not good with being openly emotional in private together let alone in a public setting..but he knows how i feel and thats enough.  Im probably a pessimist as well, seen too many public displays of affection and posts declaring love etc and then a year or less down the line the same things are being said by the same person to someone else so it sort of becomes jaded and meaningless.

oh but i do think he is wanderful..just so you know i do have a heart.