A blog on blogging..why not eh?

Im not very good at giving advice, well dependent on what the advice is about, but blogging yeah here's a question i was asked "I would like to blog, but I'm not sure I will fit in, would anyone be interested in what I have to say?"

So as its a blogging question, it deserves a blogging post....so

I think whats most important is you write for you, think of each post entry as writing in your own personal diary, your thoughts etc,  a journal to reflect on, dont focus on the 'stats' pay them no attention, if you write for an 'audience' you will more than likely lose inspiration fast.

Where does anyone fit in? admittedly the blogs i follow are related to ttwd, but within this there are many different dynamics, some similar to my own and some not, and much is the same i imagine for those that may read mine, im sure i dont 'fit' in with everybody but that goes both ways, it doesnt faze me, i like reading variety within ttwd.

Would anyone be interested in what you have to say? this goes back to not paying any attention to stats etc, write for you, sometimes reading others blogs gives food for thought, different perspectives and opinions...you can never learn too much.

So go for it, let me know if you do.

The P word

Im a grown women, fast approaching 40 (too fast), im well educated (i know i come accross as scatty..that would be because i am), so why the hell would i 'consent' to having punishment in our relationship?

Because i have agreed to obey, to pursue a tpe dynamic, to be Owned completley and this comes with boundries, very well defined ones and rules, if i choose to disobey (and it is a choice, no matter what excuses i may come up with) i am in effect choosing to disregard his authority and therefore his control over me, its disrespectful.

For some reason, the idea of having punishment in a relationship seems to be misunderstood, which i find amusing....its acceptable to engage in s/m, to be humilitated etc but the 'P' word well not so much.  Dont get me wrong, like many aspects of ttwd there is no 'one size fits all' it will be beneficial to some and not to others, we dont do maintenence spankings etc but yet thats more 'acceptable' and understood.

Punishment is not 'playtime', it is by its very defintion a consequence of unwanted behaviour/actions, its certainly not something i would 'act up' for or to get pain, if i want pain i simply ask, but contrary to what is often assummed punishment does not necessarily have to be c/p.

Nor do i obey him through fear of punishment, i obey him because im submissive and i want/need to please him so when i dont, punishment perhaps is more about meeting my needs than it is about him getting a kick out of punishing me....he doesnt....he would much rather i was obedient. 

Its meeting my needs (as much as i dont like it) because when i displease him it creates this feeling almost like a punch to the stomach and i feel sick, im desperate to 'make things right', its my fault that i have created these feelings and yet i look to him to make them go away, i will ask/beg him, and so he will punish me, it absolves these feelings and gives closure...for him it defines the statement of ..actions have consequences.

I am not punished for mistakes nor are they given on a whim and i am not punished very often, they are not always 'extreme' quite often they really dont need to be, as much as is possible the punishment will fit the crime..but most of all when they are given no matter how it is determined it is done with an understanding of why.

Grow a Mr Grey...oh dear!

The house seems to have succumbed to colds and yet i have escaped it, so i left them all to it yesterday, after making sure they were all comfortable....i think they were relieved to see me go, perhaps i fuss too much!

So me and my mate headed into the town for a girly day of shopping and lunch, im not a big lover of shopping as a rule apart from at xmas but lingerie shopping is an exception, i am im afraid one of these women that like matching sets of bras and panties and if there is matching camisole and suspender belt well it would be criminal not to get them as well...wouldnt it?,,so yep i did.

Anyway we popped into a few shops and i came accross one of these, which i have not seen before..

along with some other 'Mr Grey' bits and bobs, and my friend informed me that Love Honey (a website) has also launched a range of '50 shades' bondage gear...paddles, the infamous balls etc

Well we had a laugh about that, she has read all the 3 books and as she knows somewhat about the relationship i have with the Bossman and what we engage in she considers that she is more understanding and knowledgeable about it....hmm i did have a laugh to myself about that....

You want to control what!!!!

Being controlled/dominated takes many forms, whether it be strictly bedroom only, or everywhere, down to what you wear, what you eat, what you buy, where you go, who you see, it may be bits of both, whatever is agreed upon as the relationship progresses....it really could be limitless.

Consensual slavery doesnt sit too well with some people, to be fair i think this is because its not understood, we all have our own ideas of what it means, for me a part of it means "whatever is agreed upon" does not apply here, there is no negotiations on what i will or wont submit to, what i will let him control and what i wont.

A "im going out with friends next weekend" could well become a  "may i go out with friends next weekend?", seeing a dress in a shop window and going in and buying it without thought could become something that one no longer does without permission, it could be any number of little things that are usually taken for granted.

It might mean not being able to sit on furniture without permission, not being able to just have that glass of wine you really feel like after a shitty day at work (that one should really be a hard limit!), not wearing a type or a style of clothing that you like, it may mean some or all or none of these things.

These 'things' are not essential to consensual slavery, they may apply to some and not to others, they are not what i would consider exciting or 'hot' compared to say being controlled in a sexual manner or sessions of s/m, tpe (total power exchange) however is not just sex and s/m, but nevertheless these 'things' can be a turn-on, simply because its the knowledge that one is not in control of these basic 'things'.  Knowing that im under his authority and he is in control not just turns me on but gives me peace of mind, security and structure....i know what im allowed/whats acceptable behaviour and what im not and what isnt.

After a while it all becomes the norm, what others might see as ott, i just accept as this is the way it is and shrug it off, sometimes not, sometimes something might crop up that i think is unfair, unreasonable and i try to make a stand, get argumentative and stroppy (yeah well im not going to be writing a book on 'how to be a good submissive' anytime soon)....and

and he doesnt budge, not an inch, not once his mind has been made up, my 'stand' gets me nowhere, and im left frustrated, probably pissed off and you might get the odd rant about it on here when these moments occur but and this is the biggest but...

I want this control, i thrive on it and im happy because i have it.

Just tired of it

The written word can be open to interpretation,  blogging especially.  I know when i write here or comment on someone elses post my intention is not to offend, sometimes inadvertantly i do, this might be because what i have said has been interpreted not the way it was intended or perhaps my sense of humour isnt understood....there has been a few occassions when this has happened and i have by default offended someone.

Im a nice person ( i am really!), im generally bubbly and happy-go-lucky, i know my faults, im stubborn, terribly sarcastic and not the most forgiving of people if crossed, but fiercely protective of those i care about...i get on well with most people.

Honestly i feel like i have been here before, i swear i have! 

I know this lifestyle, or more specifically the relationship i have with my Bossman isnt for everyone, sometimes it feels lonely because im not sure that many 'get' the sort of dynamic we have, the Bossman has his fair share of critics as well, he has been called abusive and accused of being a predator....obviously im the 'victim'...being as i have been brainwashed though i dont see that!

I cant even bring myself to go into detail of whats brought all this about, but im tired of it, i shouldnt need to defend myself, the Bossman, or our relationship, i wont it would be pointless..people will make up their own minds, i respect that. 

We are who we are, and it is what it is.

X marks the spot (huge hint!)

I love to 'wear' the bruises, cuts or welts that the bossman gives me, its not uncommon for me to go rushing to the nearest mirror after a session to see what state im in, and to give a mock comment of "oh my god, look what you have done to my ass/tits" im not horrified at all, we both know it.

The cane gives the best marks in my mind, such beautiful distinctive stripes, the raised welts and sometimes blood depending on the severity of the caning and if thats his goal, i love how when i sit afterwards the pain re-ignites, the wincing, the discomfort turns me on maybe just as much as the caning itself.

I love if he decides to use my ass immediatley following the caning, restrained to the bench, my preference is very little lube ideally none at all, i like it to hurt, to be uncomfortable, so there is the combination of anal pain/pleasure as well as his body pushing against my tender, sore skin....its a good job he pretty much allows me to cum when i like during s/m because i dont think i could stop myself...unless he chooses to stop me.

He likes to pinch or give my ass a single hard slap on occassions afterwards, knowing it will illicit a wimper, works great as a warning/reminder if im 'pushing' him a bit too far, because although i enjoy the sensation the subtle unspoken threat of "I can add more" is what i wouldnt want...i know my limitations!

I have no marks at the moment, nothing, not a bruise, and im reading some blogs that are mentioning the cane and im getting that yearning, so yes this is a huge hint (i may well regret) but isnt it about time you beat the crap out of me?, i want to be pushed hard again (well it has been a while since we pushed limits), i want to be in tears begging you to stop but i dont want you to (well i will when it happens, of course)...not that you would anyway.

Fluffy and proud

I had not heard of the term 'fluffy' women before, until i read http://cassaundrawithacollar.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/crazy-new-ideaand-question.html?zx=ff9dede980d5261d latest post, and im a 'fluffy' woman and happy with my body.

This time of year, the time of those resolutions which i refuse to do (coz i never end up keeping them) a popular one is to lose weight, sure i could probably lose weight if i really needed/wanted to, im a uk size 14/16..14 bottoms, 16 top half..coz well i have big boobies!  Im reasonably fit, i eat healthy but i dont deprive myself of choccie goodness either....i will never be skinny, im shapely, curvy..whatever you want to call it.

The bossman is happy with my body, im happy with it, i feel sexy, the bossman makes me feel sexy, perhaps its because im getting older im more confident with how i look and i dont stress as much as i used to about how people percieve me, do they think im fat? is my ass looking too big? etc, when i was younger, at school and later college i was so insecure, i had the long natural golden blonde hair and big tits, and perhaps i was being over sensitive but i was seen as the 'bimbo'..called it by friends as well, to be fair i dont think they realised how it affected me...i was not a very confident person.

I dont obsess with weight, i have a 10 yr old daughter as well as working with girls of all ages, i see how weight issues affect them, there is this ideal perpetuated by the celebrity culture that society seems obsessed with and the media that to be popular, successful, you have to be skinny and beautiful , i dont want my daughter obsessing about her weight, but its difficult to avoid it, its scary how many young girls (pre-teens) think they are fat and go on diets!

I can stand naked in front of the bedroom mirror and be happy with what im looking at, (oh gosh does this mean im getting old and contented) sure i have my moan and grumbles at times...who doesnt?

So if your on the larger side be fluffy and be proud of it! but regardless of body size most of all if your happy with yourself  thats all that matters.