I was reading through some web boards on a bdsm site i like and was quite surprised how many feel that a slave/sub should not be afraid of their Dominant at all, im sure im not alone but in some situations i enjoy the fear of what He is going to do or not knowing what he is going to do.
I compare it too being on a high speed roller coaster, i love the adrenilin rush of fear, being strapped in, heart pumping and then afterwards the "wow" factor of coming back down to earth. Whilst on holiday one ride i went on i came off shaking vowing that i was never going on it again, i felt sick but 3 hours later i was back on it again and loving the fear it enduced. This is comparable sometimes to how i feel with Him, the fear builds and im working myself up and any rational thoughts go out the window especially if He is in a particularly sadistic mood. However i know in rational moments that even when im scared and worked up (which is of course when im not feeling rational) that i trust Him 100% and yes i know He is going to hurt me and sometimes more than i like but it is always done in a safe and sane manner.
Whilst we were away the subject of one of His ex subs came up , not sure how but it did and 6 months ago i would not have entertained the idea of meeting with her at all, but now i feel secure enough that it wouldnt bother me and said that i would be happy to do so. I have been thinking this over the last few days (i think too much about things sometimes) and i still dont have a problem with it but (of course there has to be a but) what if she wants more than what is on offer?, i couldnt handle that. I suppose its not worth getting my knickers in a twist over, what will be,will be.