Its been a strange few months in the respect that He has been now how can i put this nice to me which is un-nerving in a strange way im not sure how to explain it really, even last weekend He was tolerant (think thats the word im looking for) its a bit like the calm before the storm, if that makes sense. I think what im finding difficult to struggle with is when He does for whatever reason (not that He needs a reason) choose to be cruel it will be harder to cope with and i tend to resist or say something inappropriate which makes things worse for myself.
Because i have been relatively indulged for a period of time and sometimes i get the "maybe im too soft with you" lecture it is hard not to argue back with the argument of who's fault is that, which i cant or shouldnt because being a slave its not for me to decide what He should or should not do and when. I know i have a habit of trying sometimes to manipulate Him into doing what i want or not doing something i dont want and its not a good trait to have and im not sure if He even realises that i do this, what goes in my favour i think is His memory which well sometimes isnt at its best and this can work for me although occasionally against.
Thing is though i miss it when He is cruel to me yet when He is i dont like it at all, what would Freud have to say about that i wander.