The difference is....

This bloody post has been sat in drafts, edited and adapted so many times in the last week, so sod it, i cant edit anymore, its going out as is.

I had been having this debate with a friend about what makes M/s relationships (generally understood to be Master/slave) different to D/s relationships(Dominant/submissive)?

It was quite a heated debate, we are both very opinionated, i dont agree with the hierarchy theory..ie that M/s is superior to D/s and D/s is superior to Top/bottom..i think its just simply that we all have different needs.....i like, need and thrive on being controlled.

Its like my thoughts on this could well differ from someone elses thoughts on M/s.

I think M/s is focused on TPE, the dominant has control over every aspect of the submissives life that he chooses to, its total, nothing held back, the dominant possesses the submissive, like in history where Masters owned slaves, they were property.....whereas this is consensual slavery, it is chosen...the focus is perhaps on internal enslavement...ie its not about kinky sex or s/m (although yes these are usually present in some form).

Ok so the inevitable question that might be asked..how am i defining slave...and this is the best explanation which works for me..

This is from the definition of "slave" in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: "One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights."

Adding again that this is based on consent.

So bearing in mind of how i have explained M/s, i would say that this applies to those that are 24/7, simply because of the intensity and TPE implying total....you cant in my mind have this total control over someone when its not day in..day out,...but its not about being 'superior' that i am totally sure of.

ps  yes we are still bickering (nicely) over this.

Downtime

Its been over a month, perhaps 2 months, since he introduced having the butt plug inserted every day for 15 mins, and for the most part i dont mind it at all, sure there are times when i think i could really do without this....but then thats when i need it most.  I did try to wangle my way out of it yesterday..citing that it is a public holiday..so do i get a day off as well? ...no i dont!

Like a lot of others, and contrary to myth being a slave doesnt mean i spend my time locked in a cage, and taken out for use only....(although this is a huge fantasy of mine lol), i work, have the children, housework..the normal everyday stuff that we do and it gets busy...stressful at times....and those times are when it has affected my behaviour in a negative way..i get stroppy, irritable..basically disagreeable.

But this ritual, which is done during the day..honestly sometimes trying to fit in the 15 mins takes some juggling! especially during the school holidays and there is lots going on..but i havent missed a day since i started...no thats a lie...i was unwell one day so was excused.

Anyway by having these 15 minutes of what can i call it umm 'downtime' im not sure thats apt! but taking time out of the everyday hustle bustle of work, family, home stuff etc and to be able to kneel and just spend this time thinking about me, submission, him, and us, is having a positive effect on my behaviour, my thoughts..and its noticible.

I realise i needed this time, its good for both of us, thats not to say its an instant cure for stroppy behaviour lol ...nor does it induce the perfect submissive (i wish!)..i still have my moments.....but its different, im different in a subtle way...difficult to explain.

Families little mysteries

Why is it when i choose to go and have a relaxing bubbly bath....and i have made it clear more than once that unless its really important i dont want to be disturbed...so when my son sits on the bed outside the bathroom and announces he wants to talk, i figure its important

clearly we have different ideas of what important means..."mum what do you think the chances are of me getting a PS4 for xmas are?"

really!!! its not even the end of August, and thats not important, my relaxing bath turns into a full on argument....the answer is  "not a bloody chance"

We have a visitor in our house called Notme, apparently many other families have the same visitor as well, he comes around quite a lot, Notme is responsible for a lot of issues here, he leaves dirty dishes on the sides, he leaves the back door open, he dumps laundry on the floor, he leaves empty containers in the fridge.....he is a unwelcome visitor.

Pens and pencils.....i really should invest in shares...because i seem to buy them constantly but when i want one...oh they are nowhere to be found..maybe its Notme.

Socks...what is about socks, that they start off as pairs and then they mysteriously go astray, and i waste (i hate to think how much time) emptying laundry baskets (last place i should look really, im sure everyone thinks there for decoration only), looking in drawers and i cant find a matching pair.

So sod it if you cant beat em, join em...im changing me name to..

Notme

The white flag

I surrender.

How has this happened. 

Im a stroppy, sulky bitch, i push you, i give it all the 'well im not happy about this and im going to make sure you are very aware of this in any way i can' dance, im not exactly an epitome of submissiveness.

You persevered, im not sure you can have much patience left!  you saw me for what i was before i even did, it was 'fun' in my mind at the beginning, it still is fun, but my idea of being a slave certainly didnt mesh with yours....that soon became apparent.

I have fought you, outright disobeyed you, i have desperately tried to cling onto every last bit of control of my being that i can, and slowly, patiently almost without me realising it....everything that i am is yours, how did that creep up on me!...you sneaky man.

In what i thought of as my weak moments, i confess to you that i will do whatever you ask of me, in your arrogance (yes i did say that!) you reply "I know".

Its not a weakness though, and why has it taken me so long to see that.

So yes, i give in, your right

the white flag was raised a long time ago, i just dont recall when.

going with the flow or not

Things are good, with us, so why is it when everything is fitting together well its when i have these feelings....oh shit you know i dont even know how to articulate what it is im feeling....its like im waiting for something to go wrong, im expecting it to, because (low self esteem alert) i dont feel worthy of all this, everything we have.

and i know thats sad, pathetic even, and i hate feeling like it, i dont like feeling so damn needy and dependent.

Its ok to feel lost, there is nothing wrong with you

A question from D on my post 'So the flip side'

"Tori, not even sure what blog to post on. Please don't be offended with me asking questions as you and your partner are way more advanced in this... Just trying to understand myself more and I really enjoy reading your blogs. Enough with the rambling, I am a loving wife and enjoy giving my husband's pleasure and also enjoy pain (90% in the bedroom). I am finding it hard to focus; maybe I'm just overthinking during. I'm not sure. Have you ever had to deal with this? (new into this). I mean I don't need to get off. Just knowing him being there for a couple of days thrills me but I'm just wondering If somethings wrong with me. If it's a waste of your time to respond I understand, I'm just so lost! Love your blog. Lots of love, D"

ok, please dont feel its a waste of my time and that i would be offended, you have given me something to post about lol

Ahhh the overthinking is common, honestly im terrible for it and i know there are others on my blogroll that have this affliction as well lol...im still pondering if this a submissive trait or is just women!

Im not sure what you mean about finding it hard to focus..do you mean in general? or during 'scenes'?

Its a lot to take on board when its all new, its all exciting because we are experiencing new things, perhaps things we have only ever fantasised about...it can be very overwhelming, scary and exciting all at the same time.

There is a term called 'sub frenzy' have you heard of it? its very common and normal, its basically (and this is my interpretation) where one is caught up so much in all these new and exciting experiences and we want it all now, its like all our senses are working overtime and there is a constant hunger for more....it makes it difficult to focus on any particular aspect.

There is nothing wrong with you.  Honestly post this question on any blog (look to the right on my blogroll, anyone of them) and im 99% confident they will say the same....there is nothing wrong with you.

But i do understand, i think, why you may have these thoughts, occassionaly i have moments of thinking im not 'normal' what we do, what i enjoy isnt 'normal' because some of it isnt understood, its not like you can talk to your mates about it for fear of what they will think.

I hope that helps in some way.

and he says im irrational! although it made me laugh

Edited to add...this is from the archives as i really need to clear out the draft folder!

So sometimes i do try to talk him around when i think he is being unreasonable, really you would think by now i would have learnt that he just doesnt back down, but well sometimes his reasonings are just plain bonkers!

maybe its what happens when you get old...you go all random!..see what i have to deal with!

me: i know i shouldnt have done it, but i promise i wont do it again, you really dont need to punish me

him: right.  so if a murderer says "hey i only killed once, but i promise i wont do it again" should he be let off?

me: (looking at him like he clearly has lost his marbles) you cant compare these situations...i havent killed anyone!)

him: the principle is the same

me: no, its really not

him: are you allowed to touch yourself without permission..yes or no?"

me: no

him: so its fair to say you disobeyed?

me: well yes, and im feeling really bad so thats like punishment itself isnt it, you could let it go just this once?

him: I see, so we should say to the murderer "hey thats ok, you feel bad, just this once we will let you get away with it"

me: can we move past the murderer, thats a pointless argument, it has nothing to do with it

him: im not sure the victim would agree

me: can we stay on track on here

him:  what do i expect from you?

me: to be pleasing and obedient

him: and touching yourself without permission, is that being pleasing and obedient?

me: no but..

him: no thats all i need to hear, so like the murderer its right and just that you should be held accountable..yes?

me: (sigh of resignation) yes Sir

Geez i stuck my fingers up my pussy not stuck a knife in someone!