ok that's it, you win
i don't want to argue with you anymore bloggy, if you say i don't follow anyone then i don't....well unless it suits you.
you wont even let me manage my own comments, apparently they all need to be moderated now, can you please bloggy not change my settings
and that email address that appears occassionally at the top of the blog....its not mine...and i have tried to sort this out but i give up....clearly i don't know my own email anymore.
need coffee, that's about all i do know.
Sunday, 18 August 2013
Saturday, 17 August 2013
Out there.....underground
Lil wrote a post that i left a comment on http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/a-question-of-wanting-abusive.html, and i wanted to write more but well it would be so long (its long enough already lol) i will leave my thoughts here.
There is a term used here in the UK i really dont know if its used elsewhere named Ultraviolence, when InformedConsent was around (the UK's largest bdsm site) Ultraviolence was one of the most popular groups on it, there was a club that hosted Ultraviolent evenings, it was often sold out.
It became a trend, its probably been around for years, but called something else..pretty much like bdsm years ago pre-internet when it was knowing the right person, or knowing where to look.
Ultraviolence generally caters to those that enjoy flesh on flesh, punches, kicks, being thrown around a room, fighting...basically activities that are mostly associated as being abusive, but as with any aspect of bdsm, what separates from anything being abusive is consent, and also that it is enjoyed and wanted.
http://www.informedconsent.org.uk/posts/?forum=Ultraviolence
The link above contains much more about it than i can, and also the archives of the site in general is great for information (not just ultraviolence).
There is a term used here in the UK i really dont know if its used elsewhere named Ultraviolence, when InformedConsent was around (the UK's largest bdsm site) Ultraviolence was one of the most popular groups on it, there was a club that hosted Ultraviolent evenings, it was often sold out.
It became a trend, its probably been around for years, but called something else..pretty much like bdsm years ago pre-internet when it was knowing the right person, or knowing where to look.
Ultraviolence generally caters to those that enjoy flesh on flesh, punches, kicks, being thrown around a room, fighting...basically activities that are mostly associated as being abusive, but as with any aspect of bdsm, what separates from anything being abusive is consent, and also that it is enjoyed and wanted.
http://www.informedconsent.org.uk/posts/?forum=Ultraviolence
The link above contains much more about it than i can, and also the archives of the site in general is great for information (not just ultraviolence).
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
So the flip side
I wandered after the last post if writing this could be construed as going against what i wrote only a few days ago, but i dont believe it does. I know i have blogged about why we dont use safewords before, but a recent conversation with a submissive who asked why we dont when i have 'promoted' their importance (which is a fair question, i suppose others may be thinking it!) i thought i would address it again.
Its not a matter of just being about trust, i want to make that clear because to suggest it is, is like saying those that dont use safewords have more trust in their relationship than those that do....and thats simply not the case.
It is i believe about personal choice and circumstance.
A safeword isnt just about the physical activity ie s/m, it is applicable to any given situation, if something is wrong, sometimes its more an emotional distress.
I go into subspace quite easily, not always but more often than not when we 'scene' i go away with the fairies, subspace i imagine from reading others accounts varies in how we describe it, the sensations etc.
For me, i 'switch off' from my surroundings, the pain simply does not register, i am above it, its not just during s/m but also when its scenes that are intensely humiliating/degrading...i get 'lost' in myself..these are not 'bad' things, i love it, we both enjoy it but it does mean that im in no fit state to make a call on my own welfare.
When im 'flying' i believe i can take more, i will sometimes beg for more just to keep me in this wonderful place im in, this makes me incredibly vulnerable to him, he could easily take advantage of these moments.....now t1icklish made a comment on the last post...
"Maybe the dom had no interest in sticking a cobra up your ying yang originally, but at some point later he saw it online and just had to try it"
ok, so no offence to t1icklish but SSC and RACK come into play here, but more importantly a doms integrity, im sure there are many, many moments Master feels like strangling me when i have my 'moments' and there are times i feel like hitting him over the head with a rolling pin when he is sleeping....but hey common sense and SANITY stop this from happening.
....plus as much a dom may have urges to stick a cobra up his subs ying-yang...im pretty sure the idea of prison might turn him off that notion!
So yeah, at times im barely able to acknowledge Master, or speak (literally as i may be gagged/hooded), i simply am not able to assess my own limitations, it means more 'work' for him as he has to be very vigilant in assessing me and the situation closely....and he makes the call for me when enough is enough, and generally at these times its been before i think im ready...and afterwards when i 'come down' i realise that actually he was right.
If something is 'wrong' and i am level-headed, i tend to address the point directly as in "Master cuffs are too tight" etc, we have made it work for us and *touch wood* there hasnt been any situations where its gotten dangerously out of hand and he has 'missed' potential dangers.
Its not a matter of just being about trust, i want to make that clear because to suggest it is, is like saying those that dont use safewords have more trust in their relationship than those that do....and thats simply not the case.
It is i believe about personal choice and circumstance.
A safeword isnt just about the physical activity ie s/m, it is applicable to any given situation, if something is wrong, sometimes its more an emotional distress.
I go into subspace quite easily, not always but more often than not when we 'scene' i go away with the fairies, subspace i imagine from reading others accounts varies in how we describe it, the sensations etc.
For me, i 'switch off' from my surroundings, the pain simply does not register, i am above it, its not just during s/m but also when its scenes that are intensely humiliating/degrading...i get 'lost' in myself..these are not 'bad' things, i love it, we both enjoy it but it does mean that im in no fit state to make a call on my own welfare.
When im 'flying' i believe i can take more, i will sometimes beg for more just to keep me in this wonderful place im in, this makes me incredibly vulnerable to him, he could easily take advantage of these moments.....now t1icklish made a comment on the last post...
"Maybe the dom had no interest in sticking a cobra up your ying yang originally, but at some point later he saw it online and just had to try it"
ok, so no offence to t1icklish but SSC and RACK come into play here, but more importantly a doms integrity, im sure there are many, many moments Master feels like strangling me when i have my 'moments' and there are times i feel like hitting him over the head with a rolling pin when he is sleeping....but hey common sense and SANITY stop this from happening.
....plus as much a dom may have urges to stick a cobra up his subs ying-yang...im pretty sure the idea of prison might turn him off that notion!
So yeah, at times im barely able to acknowledge Master, or speak (literally as i may be gagged/hooded), i simply am not able to assess my own limitations, it means more 'work' for him as he has to be very vigilant in assessing me and the situation closely....and he makes the call for me when enough is enough, and generally at these times its been before i think im ready...and afterwards when i 'come down' i realise that actually he was right.
If something is 'wrong' and i am level-headed, i tend to address the point directly as in "Master cuffs are too tight" etc, we have made it work for us and *touch wood* there hasnt been any situations where its gotten dangerously out of hand and he has 'missed' potential dangers.
Sunday, 11 August 2013
No expiry date
Every so often something crops up, i read or hear something that just gives me bad vibes, the red flags are waving furiously and i move on, its difficult to comment positively on something that one so vehemently disagrees with, and rather than cause offence its best to say nothing at all...instead i come here to my own little corner.
There are not many things bdsm, tpe or lets just shove it all under the ttwd umbrella, wise that i feel so strongly are wrong...but one of these is the handling of safewords.
Just to get it out of the way, personally we dont use them, not now, we used to, and when we played with others we did, but this isnt about 'us' its about the general understanding/usage of safewords.
Whats got me so riled? this type of scenario
'the submissive is scared, its new what her dominant wants to do, its ok to be scared, he tells her that she has her safeword and she should use it if it all gets too much, however if she does not only does the scene stop but its over...him and her, any chance of a relationship is gone!'
thats not bloody dominating, its bullying.
and you know, this submissive she goes through with it because she doesnt want to lose him, even though its much more than she can handle and she enjoyed no part of it at all, she puts on the brave face but inside its tearing her apart, but like most submissive its that desire to please, i get that, its what drives me most of the time.....that needing to please.
and the taunting of..
'good submissives/slaves dont have safewords, they are only for the newbies'
what a crock of shit! if he doesnt inspire you to submit and has to resort to emotional blackmail to get what he wants, he aint worth your submission.
if a dominant utters that, my advice? walk away...you could have 6 months or 20 years experience and have a safeword, doesnt matter if others dont....they arent you!
There isnt a bloody expiry date on safewords, they are there for as long as they are wanted or needed, having them or indeed not having them doesnt make anyone less or more 'better', using them doesnt make one weak or not as 'good'....and no matter what...if that word is uttered....
it should damn well be respected.
The submissive shouldnt be made to feel guilty, or that she has let her dominant down..and yes personally when we had one, i had used it...and yeah i did feel 'bad' and i think thats kind of normal to have those feelings....but they were my feelings......
but the Dominant, he should be reassuring, supportive, if it is used.....its a time to talk, address whats happened, what could have been done differently etc
ok got that off my chest....rant over.
There are not many things bdsm, tpe or lets just shove it all under the ttwd umbrella, wise that i feel so strongly are wrong...but one of these is the handling of safewords.
Just to get it out of the way, personally we dont use them, not now, we used to, and when we played with others we did, but this isnt about 'us' its about the general understanding/usage of safewords.
Whats got me so riled? this type of scenario
'the submissive is scared, its new what her dominant wants to do, its ok to be scared, he tells her that she has her safeword and she should use it if it all gets too much, however if she does not only does the scene stop but its over...him and her, any chance of a relationship is gone!'
thats not bloody dominating, its bullying.
and you know, this submissive she goes through with it because she doesnt want to lose him, even though its much more than she can handle and she enjoyed no part of it at all, she puts on the brave face but inside its tearing her apart, but like most submissive its that desire to please, i get that, its what drives me most of the time.....that needing to please.
and the taunting of..
'good submissives/slaves dont have safewords, they are only for the newbies'
what a crock of shit! if he doesnt inspire you to submit and has to resort to emotional blackmail to get what he wants, he aint worth your submission.
if a dominant utters that, my advice? walk away...you could have 6 months or 20 years experience and have a safeword, doesnt matter if others dont....they arent you!
There isnt a bloody expiry date on safewords, they are there for as long as they are wanted or needed, having them or indeed not having them doesnt make anyone less or more 'better', using them doesnt make one weak or not as 'good'....and no matter what...if that word is uttered....
it should damn well be respected.
The submissive shouldnt be made to feel guilty, or that she has let her dominant down..and yes personally when we had one, i had used it...and yeah i did feel 'bad' and i think thats kind of normal to have those feelings....but they were my feelings......
but the Dominant, he should be reassuring, supportive, if it is used.....its a time to talk, address whats happened, what could have been done differently etc
ok got that off my chest....rant over.
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Holiday rambling
Oh the joys of school holidays, arguing with son over what time he thinks he should be allowed to stay out to, resulted in slamming of doors and of course the dramatic stomping up the stairs (and thats just me), my daughter broke someones window with a tennis ball and my dog decided to go wandering, couple hours later he is found fast asleep in a neighbouring barn....and thats just today!
The bossman is busy (sigh, nothing new there) i had an insecure moment and told him sometimes i worry that he is so busy at times, he might have considered releasing me...honestly i dont know where these thoughts spring up from...i think i just need reasurrance.....or maybe im more needy that i thought i was.
or maybe i just wanted some sentiments..no not maybe...thats what i wanted, and i should know better the bossman doesnt do sentimental, well very rarely...heck nor do i come to that but occassionally you know it would be nice.
...hmm ok tori practice what you preach! shouldnt expect it when i dont give it myself.....no actually
a few weeks ago i said to him "you know i love you, dont you Sir?" to which he replied
"I know"!!! ok maybe he knew i was creeping coz i wanted something.
but i got a "good girl" today...and as those words rarely leave his lips either...i shall make do with them.
The bossman is busy (sigh, nothing new there) i had an insecure moment and told him sometimes i worry that he is so busy at times, he might have considered releasing me...honestly i dont know where these thoughts spring up from...i think i just need reasurrance.....or maybe im more needy that i thought i was.
or maybe i just wanted some sentiments..no not maybe...thats what i wanted, and i should know better the bossman doesnt do sentimental, well very rarely...heck nor do i come to that but occassionally you know it would be nice.
...hmm ok tori practice what you preach! shouldnt expect it when i dont give it myself.....no actually
a few weeks ago i said to him "you know i love you, dont you Sir?" to which he replied
"I know"!!! ok maybe he knew i was creeping coz i wanted something.
but i got a "good girl" today...and as those words rarely leave his lips either...i shall make do with them.
Friday, 9 August 2013
A girl can dream cant she!
Fantasies are wonderful things, i feel lucky that most of my big ones have been turned into reality, but i still have many more, the bossman likes for me to tell him what i desire and i used to find this difficult at first, i worried about what he might think...but he has never batted an eyelid no matter what i come up with, but then as kinky and perverted as i think i am he thinks worse or he has already done it in the past.
But there are some things i fantasise about that will never happen, well they could but its very unlikely especially if they hold no appeal to him...
it would turn me on a lot to watch him dominate a Domme completely, the closest i have come to this is years ago when we were with a Domme and her male sub (also her husband) and at one point i was on my knees sucking Masters cock and suddenly i heard this voice say "is there room for for one more?" and i moved aside, watching as she got to her knees to suck his cock..and it did it for me...i guess it was the fact that she is this strong, assertive, dominant women and she didnt suck her husband cock!
i would love to watch him dominate a submissive male, he has done this many years ago, before i knew him, i love male on male 'action' it really does it for me.
Its odd because i have no problem with him dominating someone else in those scenarios, ie a Domme or a submissive male but a femsub hmm that i have a problem with! ...i think i could potentially switch if i didnt 'click' with a femsub..ie an excuse to rip her hair out! coz i could be a terittorial bitch when it comes to Master lol
I want to be do breath play to the point i pass out, i dont know why exactly, i love breath play, whether it be using the rubber hood or his hand choking me, he will take me to the point where im really panicking for breath, but no further..i understand why he wont but still its something i think about.
and the rest well the rest im musing on.
But there are some things i fantasise about that will never happen, well they could but its very unlikely especially if they hold no appeal to him...
it would turn me on a lot to watch him dominate a Domme completely, the closest i have come to this is years ago when we were with a Domme and her male sub (also her husband) and at one point i was on my knees sucking Masters cock and suddenly i heard this voice say "is there room for for one more?" and i moved aside, watching as she got to her knees to suck his cock..and it did it for me...i guess it was the fact that she is this strong, assertive, dominant women and she didnt suck her husband cock!
i would love to watch him dominate a submissive male, he has done this many years ago, before i knew him, i love male on male 'action' it really does it for me.
Its odd because i have no problem with him dominating someone else in those scenarios, ie a Domme or a submissive male but a femsub hmm that i have a problem with! ...i think i could potentially switch if i didnt 'click' with a femsub..ie an excuse to rip her hair out! coz i could be a terittorial bitch when it comes to Master lol
I want to be do breath play to the point i pass out, i dont know why exactly, i love breath play, whether it be using the rubber hood or his hand choking me, he will take me to the point where im really panicking for breath, but no further..i understand why he wont but still its something i think about.
and the rest well the rest im musing on.
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
Morning lightbulbs..and not even a cup of coffee
As much as it has been a pleasure having my niece to stay, it was nice to see my brother arrive to take her home, it had been a busy week, a fun filled week but tiring.
Yesterday it was nice to just wake up and have nothing planned for the day, and as i sat in bed i started grinning to myself, thinking about the bossman, you know those secret sort of grins where if people looked at you they would think your bonkers?
Things change, and although im not a fan of change, i dont tend to cope with it too well, sometimes its subtle and it takes a while for to get that realisation of "oh, i have just noticed" , i was thinking of in the morning when on waking sometimes he pushes my head down, he doesnt need to vocalise what he wants its pretty obvious, and i suck on his cock, or he will just use my body and take whatever hole he feels like.
Mostly at these times its just about getting him off, its all about his needs, if i enjoy it then thats a bonus and mostly i do, it gets me off and he rarely has left me unsatisfied myself, this particular morning, there was no orgasm for me, he took what he wanted and that was that.
and im ok with this, i had this realisation this morning that actually i havent orgasmed for over a month approximatley, and i havent complained, heck normally there would be a rant about the unfairness of this on here...but nope...i can honestly say im not fazed by this.
Denying me orgasms has in the past been used to discipline me, because of course i like cumming, i like masturbating and as great as using 'toys' are nothing compares to being brought to orgasm from sex, by his hand...but i havent and i dont know when i will again...and i dont care...at this moment that is.
Its simply not something i have a say in, and why it has taken me so long to have this realisation, i dont know but even though i know its his choice it has previously caused me angst when i have been denied, i have dwelled on it.
So to suddenly realise that it has been so long since i have cum and i havent complained about it or even brought it to his attention, or thought about it until now, makes me wander how this change has come about without me even realising it.
Im happy, as long as his needs are being met then im happy with that, my need is simply to serve his him.......and i have always been perfectly happy with that in regards to everything else but sex or more specifically me climaxing.....and now well i get it, i get what he means when this subject has come up, im not feeling resentment that he has been getting pleasure and i havent...because i have been getting enjoyment from pleasing him.
Yesterday it was nice to just wake up and have nothing planned for the day, and as i sat in bed i started grinning to myself, thinking about the bossman, you know those secret sort of grins where if people looked at you they would think your bonkers?
Things change, and although im not a fan of change, i dont tend to cope with it too well, sometimes its subtle and it takes a while for to get that realisation of "oh, i have just noticed" , i was thinking of in the morning when on waking sometimes he pushes my head down, he doesnt need to vocalise what he wants its pretty obvious, and i suck on his cock, or he will just use my body and take whatever hole he feels like.
Mostly at these times its just about getting him off, its all about his needs, if i enjoy it then thats a bonus and mostly i do, it gets me off and he rarely has left me unsatisfied myself, this particular morning, there was no orgasm for me, he took what he wanted and that was that.
and im ok with this, i had this realisation this morning that actually i havent orgasmed for over a month approximatley, and i havent complained, heck normally there would be a rant about the unfairness of this on here...but nope...i can honestly say im not fazed by this.
Denying me orgasms has in the past been used to discipline me, because of course i like cumming, i like masturbating and as great as using 'toys' are nothing compares to being brought to orgasm from sex, by his hand...but i havent and i dont know when i will again...and i dont care...at this moment that is.
Its simply not something i have a say in, and why it has taken me so long to have this realisation, i dont know but even though i know its his choice it has previously caused me angst when i have been denied, i have dwelled on it.
So to suddenly realise that it has been so long since i have cum and i havent complained about it or even brought it to his attention, or thought about it until now, makes me wander how this change has come about without me even realising it.
Im happy, as long as his needs are being met then im happy with that, my need is simply to serve his him.......and i have always been perfectly happy with that in regards to everything else but sex or more specifically me climaxing.....and now well i get it, i get what he means when this subject has come up, im not feeling resentment that he has been getting pleasure and i havent...because i have been getting enjoyment from pleasing him.
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