Monday 21 July 2014

Sticks and stones.....

I have not been absent through my own choice.


I dont have many rules, its pretty much covered by the being pleasing and obedient expectation, but yes there are specific rules that have been in place from day one and have not changed, i broke one of those rules.

Usually at this point i would come up with a reason, excuse, but there isnt one, i made the choice to disobey him, needless to say he was disappointed with me, you know that saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'? what a load of bollocks, words can hurt, most especially when they are from someone you love and respect, add to that being submissive with that need to please, to have their approval, oh, words they can hurt.

Master is not an easy man to get close to, especially in the respect of being close in a relationship, stoic would be an apt description, he isnt an easy dominant to submit to, he very much is of the mind that its his way or no way in the respect of our dynamic, and very black and white in his expectations of me, its simply a case of you chose/wanted to be my slave, submit and obey.

He is strict, harsh even, demanding, and pushes me to be/do better than what i think is my best, a "good girl" is rarely uttered, used sparingly, after all why in his mind should he praise me for doing/being what is expected of me, im his slave, it is after all my 'place' to please and obey him....thats his train of thought.

It took me a long time to come to understand him, what makes him the man, the dominant he is.

Master is an only child, his parents were both only children, he has no living family and he has never wanted children of his own and as such i think being as though im a parent myself, having children changes you, softens the edges, less selfish, its not just you anymore, not just a couple, the overwhelming feelings of love, nurturing and protectiveness that having a child brings out in you, having a tiny being dependent on you.

Master cannot relate to any of that, he can be very selfish, and lacks those soft edges, thats not to say he is unloving or uncaring, because he is, in his way, he just isnt very demonstrative of it, which can be difficult at times, for me.

I know he loves me, as i do him, but a difference is, i believe, is that his love for me is conditional, its my submission he values, my obedience, its the slave he loves, his words to me when i told him i had disobeyed him reiterated that.

A reminder of what i am, i am his property, owned, my body, the way i behave, what i do or do not do are his decisions to make, yeah sometimes it can be hot to be thought of this way, but sometimes the reality of what it all actually means can be difficult and on this occasion it wasnt hot, not a turn on, it was a harsh reality check.

Anyways its good to be back.














34 comments:

  1. Welcome back! I'm sorry you had to have a harsh reality check. :( Hopefully things are better now.

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    1. thanks, it was difficult to take, but i have to admit i needed it, things are good, im just happy to be back blogging.

      x

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  2. I have REALLY missed you!

    Words hurt much, much worse...and much, much longer than any physical pain...BIG HUGE HUG!

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    1. awww thanks Misty, its been terrible i have missed you all.

      yeah words stay with you a lot longer than bruises do, didnt like it but needed it.

      x

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  3. You are right, when we long to please, words do cut deep and are often punishment in and of themselves.

    Glad to see you back though!

    xo

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    1. oh yes, i would rather have a physical punishment, when its done its over, words linger.

      thankyou, its just great to be back.

      x

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  4. Words hurt so much more than physical pain in my opinion. Especially, like you said, when the come from someone you love. Hugs!

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    1. I totally agree with you, physical pain fades, words can linger on, play on ones mind.

      x

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  5. It's good to see you Tori, sorry you had to go through a difficult time. Hopefully there was some growing in the process.

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    1. dancing!!!! where have you been? and where is your blog? hope all is ok with you?

      thankyou, yep, it was a learning curve, not a pleasant one but if it makes me a better slave then it will have been worth it.

      x

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    2. Great to see you Dancing! I've been wondering about you too :)

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    3. DB!
      I'm also thrilled to see you and hope all is well within your corner :D

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  6. sorry Tori for the hurtful time you have been through...hopefully a lesson well learned...smiles...

    hugs

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    1. thank you blossom, well i brought it on myself but yes a lesson learned.

      hope you are well.

      x

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  7. Sticks and stones... rubbish. Words do hurt and for longer than we think
    good to see you back.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Yes! i didnt used to think so, but words hold a lot of power especially when they are from someone close to us.

      oh it really is so great to be back.

      x

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  8. ((((hugs)))) Words do hurt. surrounding you with love.

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    1. thank you Renee

      It wasnt pleasant, but i deserved it.

      x

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  9. Welcome back tori! I hope everything is better now (or on its way)

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    1. thank you gk, its better, didnt like it but needed it.

      x

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  10. So glad to have you back. Yes, words hurt the most!

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    1. thank you Hs, it is just lovely to be back, trying to catch up with everybody is taking a while lol

      x

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  11. The first part I thought you were writing about Tyler. He is hard to submit too.. I could never spank a man but sometimes I think he needs it lol anyway.. those put in your place times are rough.. I got spanked 3 times last week and that's more than I've been spanked in probably 4 months... I needed/deserved it.. glad all is well and your better.. big hugs

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    1. lol, couldnt spank a man either, well certainly not my man! tempted at times to whack him with a saucepan when he is asleep though!

      thanks, all is well....better

      x

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  12. Welcome back Tori, I missed you. I'm so sorry you went through a harsh reality check. I agree, sticks and stones ... rubbish. Words do hurt, and especially from someone we love as you said.

    (((Hugs)))
    Roz

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    1. thanks a lot Roz, missed all terribly, the banter, the interaction, just everything.

      x

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  13. It's so good to see you here. Welcome back!

    I'm sorry things haven't been good. I hope it's getting better.

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    1. thanks lil, its just so great to be back, properly back.

      Well i can never complain about not knowing where i stand i guess lol

      x

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  14. tori - ditto all of them ^^. It really is good to see you back. I hope things stay better for you for a good bit.

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    1. thanks every so much gg, its really great to be back, i have really missed it.

      x

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  15. Well shit. Sometimes those reality checks are so rough. The words just repeat over and over. It's rough. I am so sorry. I totally understand what your saying about both only children as well as about being in a better place after you've come through the other side. Sometimes that correction is morally crushing, but when you find yourself back in the mindset you want to be in, things feel more...right.

    Glad you're back. Missed you.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. Yes! they do repeat, they are over analyzed and just play in ones mind for a long time.

      its great to be back, missed the blogging community more than i thought i would.

      x

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  16. Tori,

    Oh! To echo everyone else, it's *sooo goood to see you!*

    Words are so very powerful and can be a most caustic weapon.

    I would wager that most of us submissive, have been in that heart-dropping-having-disobeyed place and it never feels good. But that at least is an indicator that all of this, feels right. And it can be tough to get out of that cause and affect place in the head, I think.

    Hope it's all feeling better :)

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    1. thank you Bleuame

      Its good to see you too, and i shall pop on over in a bit, still dont get an email, so i have to track you down lol

      Its horrid, those feelings, especially when i really know better, not only have i let him down, i let myself down, and well its just horrid.

      But yes, all is better, learn and move on.

      x

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