Sticks and stones.....

I have not been absent through my own choice.


I dont have many rules, its pretty much covered by the being pleasing and obedient expectation, but yes there are specific rules that have been in place from day one and have not changed, i broke one of those rules.

Usually at this point i would come up with a reason, excuse, but there isnt one, i made the choice to disobey him, needless to say he was disappointed with me, you know that saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'? what a load of bollocks, words can hurt, most especially when they are from someone you love and respect, add to that being submissive with that need to please, to have their approval, oh, words they can hurt.

Master is not an easy man to get close to, especially in the respect of being close in a relationship, stoic would be an apt description, he isnt an easy dominant to submit to, he very much is of the mind that its his way or no way in the respect of our dynamic, and very black and white in his expectations of me, its simply a case of you chose/wanted to be my slave, submit and obey.

He is strict, harsh even, demanding, and pushes me to be/do better than what i think is my best, a "good girl" is rarely uttered, used sparingly, after all why in his mind should he praise me for doing/being what is expected of me, im his slave, it is after all my 'place' to please and obey him....thats his train of thought.

It took me a long time to come to understand him, what makes him the man, the dominant he is.

Master is an only child, his parents were both only children, he has no living family and he has never wanted children of his own and as such i think being as though im a parent myself, having children changes you, softens the edges, less selfish, its not just you anymore, not just a couple, the overwhelming feelings of love, nurturing and protectiveness that having a child brings out in you, having a tiny being dependent on you.

Master cannot relate to any of that, he can be very selfish, and lacks those soft edges, thats not to say he is unloving or uncaring, because he is, in his way, he just isnt very demonstrative of it, which can be difficult at times, for me.

I know he loves me, as i do him, but a difference is, i believe, is that his love for me is conditional, its my submission he values, my obedience, its the slave he loves, his words to me when i told him i had disobeyed him reiterated that.

A reminder of what i am, i am his property, owned, my body, the way i behave, what i do or do not do are his decisions to make, yeah sometimes it can be hot to be thought of this way, but sometimes the reality of what it all actually means can be difficult and on this occasion it wasnt hot, not a turn on, it was a harsh reality check.

Anyways its good to be back.