I am not like a rock that erodes.
I am not like a tree that bends and breaks in a storm.
I am like a river, I flow, I change, I seek knowledge, I evolve.
I turn 40 next year, and how different i feel about this than i did ten years ago approaching 30, how my life has completely changed, im totally ok about turning 40, i cried my eyes out when i turned 30...yeah i know how sad!
Ten years ago, my marriage had just disintegrated, broken down, ended, i had piled on a lot of weight from comfort eating, junk food and chocolate, lots of it, i drank a lot, i wasnt living, i was just getting by, going through the motions.
I met a dominant (not Master) decided to take the plunge, it didnt last long, but it was enough to know that this was something i wanted, needed, just after turning 30 i met Master.
In my 20's i had my life sorted, married young, married for the wrong reasons(security for my son), i knew that then, but nevertheless i was so certain that it was the right choice, and it was going to work, i would make it work.
My career was my priority, apart from my children, but even then sometimes my time with them was sacrificed and work was put first (im not proud of that) i was so sure of everything, life was good for the most part, no financial worries, mainly due to a large trust fund from my grandfather, undercurrents of feeling unsettled were there, pangs of unhappiness but i managed them as well as i could.
Until they become unmanageable.
My 30's, being with Master, is such a different contrast to my 20's, as im sure with most people, we do change, we grow, think differently, lifes experiences change us, hopefully for the better. I have changed, im not the woman i was 10 years ago, i dont want to say better, but different.
But even now, i can look back to the start of my 30's with Master and where back then i was so sure of M/s, what it would be like, confident that what i thought was right about so many things, what a slave was etc......and now approaching my 40's much of all what i thought has changed, my opinions have altered, perspectives are just different, im much more confident in my enslavement than i was back then.
Still getting it wrong at times, still sometimes feel like im stumbling along, but thats ok, im content to be like the river.