Monday 2 December 2013

The missing pieces of the bigger picture

The previous post was a ramble, or more honestly me throwing my toys out the pram, because i needed to vent and let him know im still peeved about the spanking...put simply me throwing a tantrum because i didnt like it.

Some points made in the comments gave me pause for thought, and i felt needed further clarification.

Our relationship is M/s, which for us means for me there is no 'not feeling like it', no not having to do something just because i dont like it, telling him "no" is not acceptable....

his expectation of me is to be pleasing and obedient, that encompasses everything, when i fail (through my own fault) at either/or those then there are consequences.

Spanking, specifically otk position is just something i find embarrassing, humiliating in a way that doesnt give me a thrill, that is all, there is just no other explanation i can give, i simply dont like it.  He knows very well how i feel about it, and he doesnt do it very often, but because of the nature of our relationship he is well within his right to have me submit to it....and to expect me to submit gracefully without the tantrums.

I do think that its difficult to reason sometimes with relationships that are similar to mine, there is perhaps an element of 'no-one actually lives like this surely' or 'everyone has the right to say "no", to not have to submit to something they dont enjoy/dont like'

But people do live like this, and i know i am most certainly not the only one, the reality is its not easy, thats not to say its constantly difficult because thats not the case either, like any relationship it takes work, dedication but it meets my needs, i thrive on being owned.

Giving yourself to another completely is rewarding in so many ways, M/s isnt for everyone, if  pushed i would say the more difficult parts are learning to 'let-go' to accept the will of another, in fantasyland, part-time relationships, online, and those bloody books (yes im aware that this could cause controversy, but thats not my intent, nor is it my intent to cause offence) i dont think the realities are portrayed very accurately or rather its romanticised.

(edited to add) because the above paragraph is bugging me in that im not sure im clear in what i mean....which is that generally i think understanding M/s/tpe is difficult to comprehend until one is living it, of course how one defines these terms will vary from individuals.

Reality is for me, im his slave (as he defines it).  This means that i am answerable to my Master in every way.  Mostly this is not an issue, i thrive under his hand, it doesnt mean i like everything he asks/demands/expects of me..as clearly demonstrated but thats irrelevant in our relationship.

But he only asks/demands/expects from me what is deemed reasonable, and its all done under the umbrella of consent.










26 comments:

  1. you know, I get this. we're not M/s but one thing we do do is orgasm control/denial, and I LOVE it - mostly. Occasionally I really really don't, but - i have to put up and push through it in order to have the whole 'i don't touch or come without permission' thing which, largely, I do want.

    hope that made sense, am up very late with a sick child so it may not!

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    1. Yeah orgasm denial can be very hot..it also can be bloody frustrating lol...but i think thats his point!

      Made a lot of sense, hope your child is better and your getting some sleep yourself.

      x

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  2. my mind is toast, so i might be back to take up more space tomorrow with an actual thought, but this is awesome.

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    1. lol i read your recent blog post, and it was too late for me to comment and well make it understandable..heading there in a bit with hopefully a comment that will be coherent!

      x

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  3. Tori...I read your post earlier today but couldn't respond at the time.I felt for you because it is a tough spot at times and I could really identify with your situation and feelings. Our M/s is very similar in that I how I feel is not always taken into consideration. I don't get what I want or like unless He chooses for me to. It's not about me at all.

    Punishment has had the same effect on me, especially if I thought it wasn't really "fair". But once I get over being upset...I see that it was really me that I was mad at. My anger meant that I was reverting to old behaviors of trying to blame Him or make excuses. Once I could just own the mistake, punishment didn't make me so angry.

    I don't think I really have much advice...you already got some great comments and seem to have a beret handle on it from the sound of this post. But I would like to remind you to be kind to yourself. Not that reacting poorly, tantrums, or melt downs are acceptable but we are human and can make mistakes once in a while. I think what we learn during these trials brings about a deeper inner strength and growth overall:)

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    1. This is exactly it!

      Sometimes its difficult for me to see reason at the time, once its over and i have time to reflect then more often than not i can be at peace with what has happenned.

      Mostly my biggest fault is just not learning to accept it, because there is no other choice, by dwelling on it im only making it a bigger deal than really it is.

      x

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  4. I think this is one of the best posts I've read thus far.

    As I was reading I kept thinking 'this is what I want' but like you said you don't know what it is like until you've lived it so h


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    1. Damn phone.

      So how can I know that I want M/s instead of TTWD or even D/s?!

      I can appreciate the struggle of "letting go" and I can imagine the rewards and, I guess, that's why I think I want it. It is just appealing.

      This post has also tells me that no matter how long you are in a relationship there is always room to improve and we will not always be perfect... which would apply to any level of submission.

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    2. ah Misty,

      I do think sometimes its just following the natural flow of the relationship...i knew my Master was aiming for M/s and steered me in that direction..it is something i had to want, to desire.

      Yep i think with any relationships they evolve, people change, needs change and sometimes adaptions need to made...we simply need to grow in order to flourish.

      x

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  5. It's hard isn't tori? The balancing what they demand, with what we clearly don't want or like, yet we bend and sometimes just capitulate. There are times of which, mouse calls zen, where things fall into place and make sense, but there are other times where we fight -- maybe ourselves, maybe them.

    If only it were always so clear and it rarely is.

    Hugs and <3,
    mouse

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    1. oh mouse its harder than i really thought it would be.

      I hate that i 'fight' him like this, although its not often, really its over i suppose petty things, things that really i should get over.

      hmm yeah i think there is an element of fighting with myself....just holding back instead of letting go.

      xx

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  6. Yes. Just yes to all of that. <3

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  7. tori,

    Thank you for sharing. I get it. Also, I want to note that being a Master is not easy and requires dedication.

    Hugs,
    joey

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    1. hi ya joey

      Yeah i suppose i should begrudgingly admit its not easy for him always....well he does have to put up with me lol

      x

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  8. Hi Tori, I just read your previous post and this one. I'm sorry the spanking left you feeling this way and I think you've explained the dynamic well in this post.

    "The reality is its not easy, thats not to say its constantly difficult because thats not the case either, like any relationship it takes work, dedication but it meets my needs". Very well said!

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz

      I feel so pathetic for getting my knickers in a twist over a spanking lol, its not a big deal compared to much of the other stuff we do..but still i just dont like it.

      x

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  9. i hear you. so really, you just need to suck it up LOL
    since you have clearly said there is an umbrella of consent. you have agreed to be his slave WILLINGLY and so the OTK thing just needs more practice perhaps?

    ok i'm playing devils advocate here. heh.

    *shuts up now*

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    1. you know i love you tho right? *muaks*

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    2. ahh Fondles i do so love your 'say it as it is attitude' lol...but yes your spot on i do have to suck it up...still going to whine about it though lmao!

      x

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  10. Couldn't agree more on where you wrote about people not being able to fully understand a lifestyle until you e lived it.

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    1. thanks, i was worried that some might take offence to that part..but its just simply how i see it.

      x

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  11. Everyon needs to vent - isn't that what this place is for :-). All that matters is what works for you two and no matter the dynamic it takes work, dedication, trust and honesty. Maybe if the otk thing really doesn't work for you, you could set it as a hard limit?

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    1. oh yes, venting is good....i can vent here, ranting at him will get me nowhere, well it will but not a good place of nowhere lol

      He sets my limits, i am not allowed to have something as a hard limit simply just because i dont like it....thats not a valid reason.

      x

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  12. Tori,

    Ah damn, those tantrums!
    It never seems to "count" how long one has been perfectly at heel and has gone without a tantrum...*huffs*

    Yes. You are right.
    I have found it very difficult to explain (even to "like-minded kinky folks") our relationship and even here in the online medium.

    I may "have the right" to say no but I gave up that right to my Master in this whole M/s thing and I think that is the concept that makes heads spin. Just know you aren't alone.

    Hope things have settled a bit and you are feeling good with all in your world once more.
    *hugs*

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    1. lol Bleuame, i have in the past tried pleading my case that im good most of the time..the response i get is "you should be good all of the time" and i cant argue with that logic!

      It is difficult to explain, i do think sometimes there are elements of people simply not being able to get their head around why people would want to live like this...but they do.

      thankyou

      hugs

      x

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