The previous post was a ramble, or more honestly me throwing my toys out the pram, because i needed to vent and let him know im still peeved about the spanking...put simply me throwing a tantrum because i didnt like it.
Some points made in the comments gave me pause for thought, and i felt needed further clarification.
Our relationship is M/s, which for us means for me there is no 'not feeling like it', no not having to do something just because i dont like it, telling him "no" is not acceptable....
his expectation of me is to be pleasing and obedient, that encompasses everything, when i fail (through my own fault) at either/or those then there are consequences.
Spanking, specifically otk position is just something i find embarrassing, humiliating in a way that doesnt give me a thrill, that is all, there is just no other explanation i can give, i simply dont like it. He knows very well how i feel about it, and he doesnt do it very often, but because of the nature of our relationship he is well within his right to have me submit to it....and to expect me to submit gracefully without the tantrums.
I do think that its difficult to reason sometimes with relationships that are similar to mine, there is perhaps an element of 'no-one actually lives like this surely' or 'everyone has the right to say "no", to not have to submit to something they dont enjoy/dont like'
But people do live like this, and i know i am most certainly not the only one, the reality is its not easy, thats not to say its constantly difficult because thats not the case either, like any relationship it takes work, dedication but it meets my needs, i thrive on being owned.
Giving yourself to another completely is rewarding in so many ways, M/s isnt for everyone, if pushed i would say the more difficult parts are learning to 'let-go' to accept the will of another, in fantasyland, part-time relationships, online, and those bloody books (yes im aware that this could cause controversy, but thats not my intent, nor is it my intent to cause offence) i dont think the realities are portrayed very accurately or rather its romanticised.
(edited to add) because the above paragraph is bugging me in that im not sure im clear in what i mean....which is that generally i think understanding M/s/tpe is difficult to comprehend until one is living it, of course how one defines these terms will vary from individuals.
Reality is for me, im his slave (as he defines it). This means that i am answerable to my Master in every way. Mostly this is not an issue, i thrive under his hand, it doesnt mean i like everything he asks/demands/expects of me..as clearly demonstrated but thats irrelevant in our relationship.
But he only asks/demands/expects from me what is deemed reasonable, and its all done under the umbrella of consent.