punishment

Well another weekend over with Him and as usual it was very good, albeit i didnt think so at some moments, not going to write in any particular order just what comes to mind as i go, which has to be needles really and my punishment because those are what i was dreading the most.

I wasnt really well behaved when it came to my punishment, from the moment He told me what it was going to be (20 lashes of whip on back and 10 needles in my ass) i was trying my upmost to get out of it, which i promised myself and Him i wouldnt do but nevertheless i attempted to sway Him but He wasnt budging. However (i cant believe im going to write this, but the point of this blog is to be truthful..so here it goes) the whipping wasnt that bad, certainly didnt hurt as much as when He previously used it on my back and not even as much as a wooden spoon He used when we arrived (but i will get to that in a bit). I wouldnt go as far as saying i enjoyed it because i didnt..it did hurt but nowhere near as much as i was expecting it to considering it was a punishment. I didnt get the needles either which at the time i was happy about but i think in hindsight He should have used them because by not doing do so it has only reinforced my belief that my pleading paid off. He chose not to use them because i had behaved well during the whipping which i did with some amazement but really in my mind i should anyway so in effect i was rewarded for taking a punishment well but yet thats no more than what should be expected of me.

Also though i think because i had convinced myself it was going to be really, really horrible and He would be really cruel and i was getting myself worked up over it, when He did whip me (oh i am so fucked when He reads this) it was bearable, i needed to be punished severely and i wasnt well not as much as i deserved to be considering the "list" of my wrongdoings especially the persistant masturbating and touching myself without permission. For my own peace of mind i needed to be repentent and more importantly to have it be enough of a deterrent to not want to have to endure the same punishment or worse again but im not sure it was enough. I dont mean that in the respect that im going to blatantly repeat my unwanted behaviour because i want to be a good slave and i want to improve so its not a case of me thinking im off the hook to do it again but when i do disobey or disappoint Him i need to know that i will not like the consequences one little bit.

A lot to write so will be more posts.