oops havent posted as regularly as i intended, what can i say its nearly xmas and i have been busy and pre-occupied.
well it appears my suspicions are correct (ref. last post) havent heard from her since, she has just dropped contact without no explanation but im not fazed by this its a regular occurence.
What prompted me to write today is after talking to Him earlier it came up how He assumes im excited but scared at the same time about my up and coming whipping.......hmm no im not bloody excited in any way of the prospect just fucking terrified. On one of my previous posts a comment was made about how being a masochist and therefore liking pain why do i not like the whip...reasonable point, i enjoy most aspects of pain and the whip will arouse me, my body just seems to respond in this way i dont have any control over that reaction and therefore i suppose the obvious conclusion is if im wet i must be enjoying it...wrong. It winds me right up when He asks if im wet when obviously i am i get wet watching the Saw triology this does not mean i want to be tortured to death.
I dont really know why i get aroused so easily when im not enjoying something and i dont think its because im subconciously enjoying it either, the last whipping He gave me hurt a lot i didnt like it at all and that wasnt given as a punishment so naturally in dreading the next one that is as punishment. However i do get off on being made to do something i dont like so this could be a factor of why i get so aroused like when i had to go down on a women, no i didnt like it but i got off on having to do it, not sure if that makes sense but i know what i mean.
So bottom line is just because im fucking wet does not prove anything, i respond almost immediatley when we are talking and it could be about anything in general so being as He is fond of His scientific experiments ........ explain that then Sir?