Havent been too well since the beginning of last week, picked up a rotten cold which went to my chest and it knocked me for 6, my immune system is weak due to a combination of medical issues, got a lecture from the doctor he threatened to hospitalise me if i wasnt improved by Monday (im better now, well getting there) i swore i would handcuff myself to the bed rather than go into hospital...yeah im a terrible patient.
I hate being laid up in bed, well when its forced, i did get to catch up on some books i have been wanting to read, and i got spoiled with the complete series of The Walking Dead, well up to as far as its got and Game of Thrones being bought for me, so watched those as well.
So nothing kink wise going on.
He did muse about suspending me fully by my tits in the very near future, he has done this where im pulled up to my tip toes but not fully off the floor....im not so sure my tits can take it i declared..."we shall have to find out" he replied......ahh well something to look forward to i suppose, or not....oh who am i kidding, im excited thinking about it!
We have spoke a fair bit lately about areas he wants to work on with me, aspects of my enslavement as well as pushing me a bit more in s/m, its been a while since he has worked on something new with me or expanded on what we already do.
Over the last few months, there has been a shift, a difference in the way my enslavement manifests itself, since i had that meltdown as i refer to it, back in March when it was q&a month and Master contributed, it hit me harder than i let on, on here, and its taken a lot of 'work' for want of a better phrase to get me past all these ideas that were in my head, it caused a lot of strain.
Although i do think that submitting isnt always easy, i dont think it should be an effort either, and in hindsight i was making it an effort because i was overthinking a lot, questioning the whys and what for's, hung up on what people think, all that became more important than what really is important...and whats more important is what he thinks, what i think about us.
It was holding me back, its been an ongoing thing, as in years, i wouldnt believe him, or rather i didnt want to believe him when he would say that i just needed to let go and embrace what i was, that there is no shame in being his slave, in being a masochist, and i had tried, but well i had hang-ups, about the whole slave label and my masochism.
But this shift thats been happening, its been so slight i hadnt really noticed it until the recent discussions brought it to attention, im submitting effortlessly, im not sure how i can explain it more better than that.
But it feels good.