I have never followed the concept of 'submission is a gift' the idea of it makes me uncomfortable, but i guess its the way we interpret it and to me it smacks of meaning that the dominant should consider himself lucky that i have chosen to 'give' my submission to him. Im of the mind that submitting to the bossman is a privilage and im grateful to him for taking my submission, to mould and shape as he wants...and for allowing me to submit to him.
I believe everyone no matter their race, religon or sex are equal, and therefore as human beings im equal to the bossman but within our relationship there is a huge amount of inequality and thats the way i like it.
He instructs and i obey, he gets to tell me what to do, i dont tell him, etc etc and then there is the matter of approval.
I have a need to seek and want his approval, he does not need nor want mine, im concious that what i say and how i act is something he would approve of, on the times i have behaved in a way he dislikes and he makes his displeasure clear im reduced to feeling like a scolded child and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that i have disappointed him.
Im grumbling at the moment because i want pain and he isnt being too forthcoming, im allowed to ask for it but a no is a no and not negotiable, sulky/bratty behaviour is a no, he has no tolerance for that so acting up to get pain would be pointless it would just result in him being disappointed, so im left with waiting...and fuck patience is so not my strongest point.
He likes me 'wanting' and even though im not enjoying it so much i am enjoying that its pleasing him keeping me in this state of want..so im making do with this tub of Ben and Jerrys ice cream as compensation.
Edited to add..this post started off going somewhere and then went off course!