I have never followed the concept of 'submission is a gift' the idea of it makes me uncomfortable, but i guess its the way we interpret it and to me it smacks of meaning that the dominant should consider himself lucky that i have chosen to 'give' my submission to him. Im of the mind that submitting to the bossman is a privilage and im grateful to him for taking my submission, to mould and shape as he wants...and for allowing me to submit to him.
I believe everyone no matter their race, religon or sex are equal, and therefore as human beings im equal to the bossman but within our relationship there is a huge amount of inequality and thats the way i like it.
He instructs and i obey, he gets to tell me what to do, i dont tell him, etc etc and then there is the matter of approval.
I have a need to seek and want his approval, he does not need nor want mine, im concious that what i say and how i act is something he would approve of, on the times i have behaved in a way he dislikes and he makes his displeasure clear im reduced to feeling like a scolded child and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that i have disappointed him.
Im grumbling at the moment because i want pain and he isnt being too forthcoming, im allowed to ask for it but a no is a no and not negotiable, sulky/bratty behaviour is a no, he has no tolerance for that so acting up to get pain would be pointless it would just result in him being disappointed, so im left with waiting...and fuck patience is so not my strongest point.
He likes me 'wanting' and even though im not enjoying it so much i am enjoying that its pleasing him keeping me in this state of want..so im making do with this tub of Ben and Jerrys ice cream as compensation.
Edited to add..this post started off going somewhere and then went off course!
I hope you will not have to wait long.
ReplyDeleteSo do i joey lol
Deletex
In reference to your edit, I noticed that!
ReplyDeleteBut you can't be blamed since it is clear that you are suffering from lack of pain.
I have to think about that first part a bit more - submission is a gift comes from the other side I think, not from us? It is a pleasure to serve, but it isn't a service that we give to everyone, right? So it is a gift. Or not. I am trying.
The gift of submission is just something i have issue with, sometimes it feels more like a curse lol
DeleteBut seriously i keep looking at it from different angles and i keep coming back to seeing it as something that the dominant should be grateful for...that im submitting to him...im going to think more on this..sigh.
x
going off course is natural for us i think.
ReplyDeletelol
Kitty and you both have me getting a headache now. i keep reading it's a gift. but i'm convinced his Dominance is a gift that is so encompassing he is giving me the opportunity to be submissive. so my submission really is a gift from him.
right? *oh dear it hurts*
oh fondles my head hurts too..i think i have it straight in my head and then *boom* im back to rethinking.
Deletex
I hope you get some soon. I sympathize with the wanting feeling, not fun, but then it is even better when you do get it.
ReplyDeleteI do too, but yes i like the element of waiting it is better sometimes when im kept on the edge.
Deletex
Okay, I am new here, so hi! Fondles and Tori, the whole thing makes my head hurt, too, when I think about it too hard...but here's my two cents on the matter:
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that I am "giving" my submission to BD, just as he is "giving" his Dominance to me. The reason I believe this is that my submission is not simply something for any old Dom to come around and enjoy or take advantage of. It is for BD and only for BD. I am collared, and owned by him, and so what I have and who I am belongs to him to do with as he chooses, but it belongs to him because I have given it to him in an open, honest, consensual relationship. This is not submission taken with fear and abuse....this is submission given with love and trust. I have been submissive in the past in other relationships, but I have never given my complete submission to anyone because of a lack of that trust.
Whew...anybody got an asprin? :-)
hello Cassaundra....welcome
DeleteYes i think thats a great way of putting it "giving" i do (like a few others here in blogland) have a tendencey to overthink things..perhaps its a female trait? lol
Asprin always handy when blogging!
x