Getting with the program

I have never associated being controlled with being robotic, robotic implies no feeling, no emotions etc and i have those, there is i suppose the element of 'programmed' behaviour, years of following his rules and submitting to his preferences have indoctrinated it into me how he likes me to behave, to be able to act accordingly whether he is with me or not.  It is learned behaviour.

For me personally i learn from him being consistent with his expectations (which is very important to me), from being held accountable (ie punished) when i disobey or behave in a way that does not please him, and from making mistakes. 

As with any relationship as time goes on you get used to each other, discover each others 'quirks', traits that we tolerate because we love them etc, a difference with M/s is that i have had to make more adjustments than he has, there is the element of no negotiation which there would be in the majority of vanilla relationships, if he really hasnt liked a trait of mine he will work on changing it, i have had to adapt to his preferences.

I dont mean completely changing me, its not about 'ridding' me of my personality, im submissive but i cant say that submitting came naturally, its needed coaxing out, its always been there but years of previous indoctrination by society's, family and friends expectations have made it difficult to adjust to enslavement in some ways.

But as the years have gone by it has got easier, there is progress (even when i cant see it) by no means do i think im completley 'there' but im comfortable with our relationship and how its progressed, im pretty sure there are times he has felt like strangling me but then that feeling is mutual. 

Im beginning to have a clearer understanding of what consensual enslavement means to us, or him to be more precise, i had and have my own ideas but they dont always 'mesh' with his and thats when i get conflicted because i want him to see from my perspective and alter the path he has chosen to take us down. 

Its not me who chooses, its him, i dont have control.