An interview with....

The bossman.

I read this questionnaire over on Del Fonte's blog, and although we are no DD i thought for fun and to add a twist to it, adapting where necessary as its aimed at submissive's perspective, i would grill the bossman.

Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking (adapted to D/ and bdsm) interest?  If so feel free to share.

BM:  At university,  I bottomed to an older woman, I enjoyed the exchange but wanted to experience from the top point of view.

What are you often called by your bottom/submissive/slave?

BM:  Sir or Master generally speaking, you bastard does crop up on occasions usually proceeded with "I hate you"

We're building a big spanko fire, which implement would your bottom/sub/slave toss in?

BM:  Dressage whip

We all know how many punishments there are to choose from, spanking, corner time, lecturing etc, but what about rewards? Do you have a favourite reward that is used?  If not what's something you would like to use as a reward?

BM:  The reward is in knowing she is being pleasing and obedient.

Whats that one phrase, that when its used, she knows she is in trouble?

BM:  Tori would probably say it's when I say "Is that right?"

What's something you would like to cross off your spanking bucket list?  Being shy is not an option here people.

BM:  All crossed off.

Someone comes to you and says there just starting D/s.  Whats the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

BM:  Communicate with each other honestly.

We talked about spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it, what about a bdsm style bucket list, what would you like to cross off?

BM:  Nothing for me personally but there are things I would like to eventually have Tori experience.

Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying it and finding it effective?

BM:  Nothing comes to mind, I prefer to use a punishment that fits the crime when appropriate.

If you bottom/sub/slave could take a break from a rule for one week, what rule would it be?

BM:  It would take her a week to decide what rule.

If you messed up and you offerred to let you bottom/sub/slave spank you, would she? why/why not?

BM:  She wouldn't, Tori would find it too distressing if I was to offer let alone consider it.

What is your favourite form of aftercare for your bottom/sub/slave?

BM: Laying in bed much later, talking it through.

If you could only use one implement here on out, what would it be?

BM: Cane.  Tori's favourite.

Dont keep still..you might get labelled!

well anyone who has children will most probably relate to this (although i wander if its a girl thing more than boys, because i didnt have it so bad with my son) anyway, toddlers, you know give them a box of crayons..in fact just a pen will do, you could give them an endless supply of paper...but

its still more fun to draw on the floor, walls and furniture, ..oh and themselves, they do eventually grow out of this...then or as it was in my case they discover stickers..and now instead of colouring in your carpet with black permanent marker pen, everything gets covered in stickers....even the poor old dog innocently sleeping his bed!

But they eventually grow out of that too, few years go by and just when you think that your furniture, walls, floors and the family pets are safe some well meaning friend gives my daughter a handheld digital labelling machine with extra cassettes.

I didnt think nothing of it, in fact i thought how handy it would be...

then i got home after working a little later, head straight into the kitchen to start dinner..open the cupboard doors and....

all the cans, jars and bottles that had peelable labels have been stripped of said labels and are now displaying a little strip from the machine saying whats in it....ok i did chuckle..then my son walked in and said "mum..thats not the worst of it..look around" and i did

the dishwasher now proudly displays a label "dishwasher", the kettle..is labelled..yes you guessed it "kettle" and they join the toaster, microwave, coffee machine, fridge heck even the toilet roll holder in the downstairs toilet now knows what it is.

I didnt really want to venture into other rooms to see if they had been attacked as well...mercifully they escaped, after the kitchen and toilet she went upstairs to label her room....

to which i went up to and sure enough there she is with stuff all over her bed, labelling it...i didnt give her too much of a hard time, but i made it clear that at 11 years old she should have thought about really did the kitchen need labelling....we had a giggle..she is still a child after all..but good god whats next

graffiti.

Withdrawing consent

"Is it ok for a slave to ever withdraw consent?"...anon.

Yes i think so.

However withdrawing consent is not something to be taken lightly, such as being used as a 'get-out' because one doesnt want to submit to something, but i guess perhaps it depends on whats acceptable within an individual relationship.

For me to withdraw consent it would have to be for very good reasons..such as

my Master not being in a fit state of mind (perhaps due to illness, alcohol) to make sound judgements.

my responsibilities to my childrens welfare threatened in any way ....i may be his slave but im a mum and for as long as they are dependent on me in the respect of them living at home....they come first...so something like hitting me in front of the children and/or exposing them to things they shouldnt be.....children need a safe/secure/loving environment.

* just to add in respect of above, i dont mean accidental incidents such as kids walking in when your having sex, or finding an implement etc....heck these can happen*

disregarding my emotional and physical welfare (outside of a 'scene') ie constantly or an example could be him having unprotected sex with various people or expecting me to

Its really about SSC (safe, sane and consensual) or RACK (risk aware consensual kink..although perhaps this pertains more to bdsm activity than the relationship as a whole) but either fit, yes we both like a drink, if he has been drinking we dont 'play' well not in anyway that involves bondage or anything 'extreme' and its certainly not the time to be having serious discussions when alcohol is involved.

I trust him not to behave in any of the above reasons i gave, he has not given me any reason not to trust him...but they are examples of circumstances that would make me withdraw consent and would have a huge impact on our relationship.

So, slaves (how you define that is up to you) contrary to myth or fantasy can leave, withdraw consent if circumstances call for it...anyway thats my thoughts.


*edited to add that i dont think withdrawing consent necessarily means the end of a relationship*

Actually

Im not finished..re the last post...ok so i know its been like an hour or so since i posted it....but

Yes..i have had more time to think and...

Im pissed.

Because, i really do feel that she has projected her thoughts onto me.

ok so yes i admit im not always a very confident person, but you know thinking all about what we talked about..and especially the end part about her observation about how i say "i think..." a lot....and then when i wrote my last post...i have been dwelling on it more....and im not a happy camper.

I think she has over analysed why i say "i think" a lot....and oh i know all about over analysing!

it has nothing to do with needing validation or a lack of confidence...maybe its just simply the way i am....i think a lot, yes i overthink a lot.....

and im damned if im going to be made to feel that i have 'issues' that i really dont think i do.

You know maybe its simply that i have a lot going on at the moment, i dont handle change very well but many more people have real problems going on in their lives, and by comparison mine are very trivial....and maybe the best thing for me is to go with my dear old grans saying which is

if thrown in the water, you either choose to give in and sink or you swim with all that you got..

im a swimmer.

i think......i dont think

I had my first session with a therapist this morning, and it was interesting, im not sure how i feel about it, but its early days.

Near the end of the session she asked me "are you a nice person?" and straightaway i replied with "i think so" and she pointed out to me that since the beginning of the session i have a tendency to preface a lot of my thoughts with "i think...." or "i dont think" in a manner that lacks confidence, that im seeking validation, that its ok to think what i do.

She has given me a task to complete before the next session, to list 10 positive things about myself that i know, that i have confidence in....and i havent started it yet.   Until this was pointed out to me i hadnt given it any thought, i suppose its become a habit, and i have been stewing on this since this mornings session.

And bloody hell, yes i do it a lot, when i talk to people, when i blog, reply to comments, comment elsewhere....but i dont think im not sure (there, that better!) its always because of a lack of confidence or needing validation...or rather i didnt think (ooops there i go again) that until she brought it up.....now im feeling paranoid...something else for me to overthink!

So now im going to be overly conscious of saying it or not saying it...ffs!

The dark side of the moon

I did not want to get out of bed this morning, tired, aching, sore all in a good way, alas the sore throat, runny nose and thumping headache was not expected, although im grateful it held off until today, so i lay in bed listening to the hustle bustle of the normal weekday morning routine going on downstairs, going over in my head the events of the weekend.

We had a good time, very good, an unexpected night out to see a Pink Floyd tribute band whom were brilliant, i loved it, lazy afternoon in bed being tormented and teased, after 3 months of being denied orgasms at one point i was begging for no more.....it was just too much.

Anyways much of the weekend has gone into my private journal, not because of anything bad, it was all very good...even the parts i didnt think was good at the time, i am one very happy content slave, lets just leave it at that.

Master was in a playful mood, and much to my surprise (and i think his!) i was very good, i did as i was told, ok there were a few moments of needing 'encouragement'.....which is not necessarily positive encouragement "well, I could always put the really thick needles through your nipples" which i really hate so that tends to get me motivated.

But there was a lot of playful banter, its nice to not have to always be so serious, to be able to mess around, calling him a "sick twisted nasty bastard" (in my defence its an accurate description) when im naked and vunerable felt really clever at the time....its when he demonstrates what a sick, twisted, nasty bastard he is..that i realise its perhaps not too clever...but i suffered deliciously...and on the plus side he takes it as a compliment!

Alas lying in bed is not an option, normal service must resume....and thats ok, because i love our 'normal'.

Outside the box

I like being forced to submit to his will, to what he wants....

he likes forcing me, but on his terms.

If im told to kneel and suck his cock he expects compliance, and he gets it (no hardship there lol) other times

He may grab my hair, push me to my knees, or pin me down underneath him and ram his cock in my mouth when im not expecting it, he is taking what he wants

If im told to bend over the spanking bench he expects compliance other times

I may be grabbed, smacked down onto it and held down

If he does use force in this way its because its what he wants at that time..plus i absolutely love it, what he doesnt like is my resisting when im instructed to do something, he expects my compliance.

I gave him my submission willingly, when i agreed to this dynamic i trusted him not to abuse it, submission in itself cannot be forced, well it could but i would be inclined to say thats not healthy. 

But being forced has its place if indeed its what both enjoy, which we do..eg the examples above, when he does use force its not because he has to, to get me to do what he wants, we simply both get off on it in certain circumstances.

I suppose its similar to the idea of 'play rape' nobody wants to really be raped, but yet 'rape play' is a popular kink, its centred around the idea of being forced...although the reality is its wanted, its a huge turn on.

On rare occasions he uses force to gain my compliance because im 'genuinley' fighting whats happening, this is not often, and he doesnt like it, but i need it, he knows i need it more than i do, and eventually i surrender...

its similar to being caned (or spanked etc) where i need release, but i cant get there and i fight it, hold back tears and i want it to stop, cursing, kicking out, but he wont stop and eventually i get past the barrier and the tears flow, i relax and embrace it.