Pondering that *line*

I was reading over at http://xpygarx.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/marked.html and he linked to a short video clip of a women showing her marks off, and subsequently the post was regarding marks, his thoughts on them, and he posed some questions that got me thinking.

"Despite the consensual nature of such play is there a point though at which I should be concerned for a sub who likes to be severely beaten and marked? Is there not a line that should not be crossed by a Dom even when the sub desires that he go further and treat her even more severely? Clearly lasting physical harm may be one line - but even if it is not lasting harm, is it always justifiable? Is there a point where one needs to think of the psychological health of the sub as well as the physical health? Is it always ok to desire such pain and marking?"

When i watched the clip my initial reactions was along the lines of "well thats not bad at all" i certainly wouldnt have thought them severe...and then i dwelled on this (like i do) i thought..

have i become de-sensitised to images of s/m, and if so how does that reflect on me? so this morning i looked again, and i tried to think from a 'fresh' perspective and yes they are very vivid marks, and yes perhaps severe, i like them, i respected them...if that makes any sense at all.

But back to the questions Pygar posed,

what is considered severe though?  i wander perhaps if its difficult to determine, my idea of severe may well not be the same as someone elses,

Crossing the line though, hmm i think SSC or RACK applies, should always apply.  Is it justifiable?

for us s/m is about mutual enjoyment, there have been times when i have desired to go further and he has not allowed it..those times have been when i have been on such a 'high' i am in no fit state to assess my own physical limitations.....so he does that for me...i trust his judgement over mine...always.

I like to be treated severely, his cruelty turns me on, excites me, not always i hasten to add but most of the time we feed off one another, he loves my tears, screams and begging as much as i love the embrace of his whip, the kiss of the cane, and his taunts, if not at the time then definitley afterwards i relish those moments.

So is it justifiable? gosh yes when it provides so much pleasure and for us is more intimate than sex and certainly more satisfying.

Long term psychological health as well as physical health should be considered, i admit im still brooding on this, i think again it comes down to being sensible...

Personally as much as i love the more 'severe' sessions i am happy to have milder scenes as well, i do though yes like to have some marks, and feel a bit 'put out' if there are not any afterwards, but not to the point its an issue.

So yeah i think its ok to always desire such pain and marking but desiring and actually having it are different, i desire it but i know damn well i couldnt handle it on a constant basis and he wouldnt do that either.

I think a lot of responsibility is placed on the dominant, in keeping aware of his subs mental health as well as the physical, a 'good' dominant surely wouldnt want to damage his sub intentionally?

Its the sun's fault

It is!!!

The heat we have been experiencing over here hasnt been good for me, pretty much most of last week i wasnt feeling good, but come Thursday i was really poorly, my sugar levels were going through the roof, and then a 12 hour train journey on Saturday to pick up my neice who is staying for a week....was too much, i started out at 5.50 am and arrived back home at 8.25pm as i wanted to avoid an overnight stay, i did it in one day...in hindsight...bad idea.

Anyway, checking in with blogger, which i havent been much of late (so some catching up to do with reading what you all been up to lol), i read a comment critiscing the post i made regarding needle play, it wasnt "broad" enough apparently, and "I think your post is biased, how arrogant of you to suggest its not that painful, are you an expert?"

ok, so i did state in that post that and i quote "I can only give my opinon from being on the recieving end of needle play" and "im not a medical expert"....

The odd thing is..well not odd but well im actually wary of dishing out advice, although i have no problem in asking for it, i think no matter how much we know, we should always be open to learning more, and there is no shame in reaching out to someone....i think its arrogant to have the attitude of..."oh i know it all, i dont need any ones advice, opinion etc"

But back to giving advice, yes i wrote that post because i was asked about it, and i replied to the person via email, pretty much covering what i wrote in that post, but i did express that ultimatley my opinions are based on my experiences.....and im sure someone else could write a post on needle play and have a different opinion.

Doesnt that apply to everything pretty much?

Giving advice i struggle with because naturally its based on what i know, what has worked and continues to work for me....but its not going to work for everyone, and thats ok, but its so easy most especially when new to ttwd to place too much trust in what "the more experienced say", to 'compare' when there is so much diversity within ttwd and all relationships are different.

Not saying one shouldnt ask, heck never stop asking questions (thats how we learn) but its more important to remember thats its based on that persons experience....and someone else could give a totally different reply.

You experiment, have fun and find what works for you.

I would hate to think that i come accross as "all knowing" because im most definitley not....i dont have all the answers, i mess up, and im not afraid to admit it...ashamed sometimes yes!

but i love learning, and i do learn, from my own experiences as they continue, from reading other blogs and reading different perspectives and from the interaction on my own blog.

One can simply never stop learning.

Pricks and prods

I got a comment on an old post asking about needle play, what type of needles? where can they go? does it hurt? risk of infection? what does it do for me? and tit skewering, why?

As usual i can only give my opinion from being on the recieving end of needle play and im not a medical expert!

I enjoy needle play, which came as a bit of a shock at first as i was so dead against them because whenever i have blood taken at the docs, even now, it makes me feel sick and faint (i have a couple of times passed out at the docs) so i didnt have a positive association with them.

But well progress and all that..

What types of needles?

We use hypodermic needles, the gauges (diameter) of these vary, higher the number the smaller the gauge, i think my Master uses ones in the 20 ish gauge range, truthfully i dont take much notice..thats his department!

Where can they go?

Pretty much anywhere on the body, for me personally for stimulation i like them on the tits (nipples) and the labia.

Does it hurt?

oh gosh this one of those 'how long is a piece of string' type questions, and i dont mean that to be flippant in any way.  There is an initial sharpness when the needle pierces the skin, but i think on a measure of pain this is much less painful that when nipple clamps are initially applied.

Then it depends on where the needle is used, the gauge, and how the piercing is done, pushing just under the flesh hurts more than when he puts them in deeper.

Risk of infection?

Being sensible here applies, dont re-use the same needle, clean the area before and after (i admit we dont adhere to the cleaning before much) 

What does it do for me?

oh well, i love the blood aspect of it, i find it a huge turn on when needles are used on my tits and the blood trickles down, especially when the needles are removed, at times..it gushes, i also find it erotic to watch him using the needles on me, its psychological as much as it is a physical sensation.

I love the endorphin rush of the needle first piercing the skin, its a very addictive sensation, and it can go from being a very pleasurable feeling to painful dependent on certain factors.

What the hell? lol

Tit skewering is using a larger sized needle (usually a spinal needle) to go through the whole tit, visually stunning in my mind, why? because pretty much the reasons i gave above..but perhaps mostly the visual impact.

Good girl

We have never argued the bossman and i, not as in full scale screaming shouting arguments, not because we are this perfectly harmonious couple, but because you cant row and argue with someone who wont retaliate.

And he doesnt, he has never shouted at me, raised his voice and emphasised tone yes, but nope he has never shouted, he wont engage me in arguing....and sometimes its absolutley infuriating when one person is giving it 'beans' and the other is just calmly taking it without comment or action (for the time the ranting is going on).

We disagree on many of a subject, this is certainly not a relationship where its a case of  "if Master says it is right, it is right' not in the context of having opinions about life in general, and as much as i put him on a pedestal...it doesnt make his views, opinions anymore valid than mine.

When i wrote that last post, i wasnt being brave lol, i was totally pissed off with him (still am a little) and this is my little corner of the world, where within reason he wont hold me accountable for my rants.....because ranting at him directly is pointless so i need to let off steam somewhere!

and i hate that....when im mad at him but i have calmed down from the ranting..all it takes is him saying "good girl" and whatever i was mad at him for fades into the background, it doesnt matter...because i just want to be that "good girl".

He cant count

My attitude hasnt been that great of late, little quips, sarcasm, and mildly childish behaviour, so i asked him

"on a scale of one to ten, how much trouble am i in?"

and he replied

"11"

and he thinks i have problems!

ok, so im adding to this because..actually im pissed (not in the drunk sense), i was thinking 7 on my scale, because i admit i havent had a good attitude but i think he is being harsh! and this probably wont help (writing this) but dammit the man is bloody infuriating! and i cant rant at him.

3rd edit (that sums up my pissed off rate)

For Master....remember you said i can write freely here without repercussion!

ok 4th edit

I realise that actually having this little ahem tantrum is displaying exactly some of the behaviour that has got me into trouble and umm yeah i know this....and well i cant take it back because right now at this minute its how i feel!

You say potato, i say potahto

In replying to a comment which asked if i could have anal fisting as a hard limit, and surely i have a choice, i figured my reply would be so long i may as well make it a post.

A beautiful sunny day, the bossman may well ask "what would you like to do today?"

and most normally my response is "i dont mind, what would you like to do?"

its not because im so 'doormatish' that i cant or wont say where i would like to go....simply im laid back...or more accurately im incredibly indecisive..if we had to wait for me to make that decision we would end up going nowhere.

Im easy going, and generally just happy to go with the flow, sometimes he will push me into making a decision for myself, and honestly i know it sounds pathetic but i get my knickers in a twist..."why cant you just tell me what to do?" i will say.

Now i am more than capable of making decisions and i do regularly, with work, the children, whats for dinner, etc etc but in many areas i prefer having a structure that is solid, one in which the boundries are so firmly in place so i know where i stand rather than have uncertainty, i like the security of knowing that mostly he decides what is for the best.

Of course, anal fisting (and/or any aspect of s/m, our relationship) is more complicated than simply making a decision about where to go out to...but the principle is the same.

So, simply by removing 'choice' and 'limits' i dont have that uncertainty, or deliberations over 'do i want to or not' , it does not mean that no consideration is given to how i feel, he wants and encourages my thoughts....and although im incredibly indecisive and laid-back...it doesnt effect my ability to have an opinion..if anything im too opinionated!

But most important is that even though he 'owns' my choices and limits....well all of me, he doesnt want to damage me physically or mentally....and i know he would not do anything that would cause this and if he thought that there was this risk then it would stop....but yes he will 'nudge' and 'push' me along the way.

If i had choices and limits..and they were mine.....hmmm i would have missed out on the most wanderful experiences i have had that i would have not wanted to do....yeah sometimes its been the case that i havent liked it and i would rather not do them again..but you know what...

i wouldnt have it any other way.

Well...i need saving apparently

I received an email last week, asking if i would be willing to help in consulting with a book by answering some questions, it was rather long winded, i replied politely declining that i didnt think for personal reasons i was suitable...based on this

 "I would like to write a book that causes women to see that they can have working lives, rich in sex and love with men who don't make them cry."

and

"I want to disclose how/why women feel that it's okay for the man they love to hit them.

This whole business is sick. I want to write a book that causes people to realize that love, not physical pain inflicted by someone who's job is supposed to be the protector, is the right idea.

I only want to attack the beatings; I have no problem with sex, maybe you've noticed!, sex is a really good gift from God.

So what I need to some understanding about what women are feeling, why they tolerate, even why they want physical pain.

I'm old now. In college, I had taken a new girl-friend to my apartment, asked for sex, and she told me she'd do as I wanted if I hand-cuffed her and she had no choice. (frankly, she practically had an orgasm when she thought I was going to do as she asked.)

But this idea sickened me, (I had thought of making tie cords from lamp cords.) Instead I decided to take her home immediately."

 

But what made me chuckle is

 

"Of course, you seem to have worked very hard to reverse pleasure and pain for yourself. Your body can't invert physical pain but you have switched how you interpret what you feel, ie., what it means to you. I can't change you. Nor can you do much either.

  I can't do anything. My suggestion, I know you have not asked for anything from me, is that you find a Bible, you can read them online, and read some Psalms. Also Proverbs.

And, of course, pray."

 

 

So you can see why i declined!