tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post3596937276867664701..comments2023-05-21T15:25:29.957+01:00Comments on Pain's Pleasure: where to starttorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-23091192063290784212014-09-23T21:11:17.464+01:002014-09-23T21:11:17.464+01:00thanks ancilla
i can do it.......umm i just dont ...thanks ancilla<br /><br />i can do it.......umm i just dont want to lol<br /><br />you know, part of me thinks im behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum, in an attempt to throw a spanner in the works.<br /><br />I can do it, and i will do it, and he is probably right in his view that i will love it.....afterwards though is when i get the buzz....generally not during.<br /><br />xtorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-24217282914868341622014-09-23T21:09:14.198+01:002014-09-23T21:09:14.198+01:00thank you for this
It is i think very easy for on...thank you for this<br /><br />It is i think very easy for one to take the eye off the ball, especially when one has the need, desire etc to please, to give ones dominant all they desire.<br /><br />I do though trust him implicitly, we have had one bad meet, and he was brilliant in, recognising that i was struggling,stopping it and tending to me emotionally.<br /><br />But, i do struggle with it, a lot, it might be because im far from being an exhibitionist, and im also quite shy, and find it intimidating being intimate with people i dont have an emotional connection with.<br /><br />xtorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-3245604282475399532014-09-22T15:11:17.843+01:002014-09-22T15:11:17.843+01:00You are strong, you can handle it. Deep breaths,...You are strong, you can handle it. Deep breaths, "I can do this to please him" on repeat...maybe it won't be so bad as you think, and if it is, remind yourself that you can do it to please him. Oh and (((big hugs))). ancilla_kssthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968994155747861194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-31978214596780256182014-09-22T13:40:30.154+01:002014-09-22T13:40:30.154+01:00I came out of a 10 year relationship, approximatel...I came out of a 10 year relationship, approximately 4 years ago, where I did serve others, predominately males, rare a female , often M/M/f/f. I cannot deny at times, I hated and dreaded it, I felt over looked, particularly if the M/me combination had limits due to the Dominants skill. I started to doubt, my own safety, was my then Master vetting these people as I would have? were they SSC, RISK aware, did they really know how to cane me, look at my non verbal signs of communication, was it really BDSM M/s or the ex`s just his licence to swing, was I not good enough any more, did I not serve him properly alone? I stopped relaxing totally, I purposefully stopped myself going into subspace, as I worried constantly. Whilst the ex was with her, could he still keep his eye on the ball for me? So I became self aware/self caring. Was it because they were prettier, slimmer, better? The whole thing caved for me and I truly dreaded him saying, oh there is a couple . . I served people I had never met, or spoken too, which for me was beyond exciting, to be "given" "loaned", but it just took one or two idjects, taking their eye of the ball for that split second and for me, all the excitement went. As his slave I had little to do with the "vetting", I obeyed, to the best of my ability. In hindsight, I trusted him explicitly, he had never let me down, but I needed to be part of that vetting, I needed to ask questions from my own point of view, the chemistry, kindness (honestly some female submissives I met were SO uncaring, me me me girls). IF it works out well, it adds a most wonderful avenue to explore, it is exciting, I did get to do things my ex could not, i.e. needles. It was not the reason we split by the way. But I realise, slave or not, I need to be a part of the vetting, the decision making, for me to know I will be okay. Though the no choice excited me no end and does, its my c..t thinking there and not my mind. I suppose you could say I don`t trust anyone`s judgement on who I get loaned too, but at the end of the day, it is my arse, my skin and mind etc, I may have been his property, to care/look out for etc and he did, but as a worry wart, it fell apart, re any enjoyment (not going to get into, doing stuff for them totally etc) I walked away often in tears. Now, I find myself in a poly situation, something I never thought possible, enslaved yes, my limits are those they impose, no safe word, no choice, yet I remain a large part of the discussion/s, they listen, take my view, okay, they may say, wtf you on about girl? lol BUT together we work through it BEFORE and AFTER, I adore being loaned, with or without my Dominants, I just did not realise years ago I suppose, slave or not, I wanted to please him greatly and I TOOK the eye off the ball myself. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-37987132550847336632014-09-22T09:25:35.766+01:002014-09-22T09:25:35.766+01:00thank you
Im a worrier, i wish i wasnt, but i don...thank you<br /><br />Im a worrier, i wish i wasnt, but i dont think you can change your basic nature.<br /><br />i know deep down im the slave he wants and vaules, i think perhaps one is inclined to at times, give ourselves a harder time than ones Dominant does!<br /><br />xtorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-85831142801398463302014-09-22T09:23:31.154+01:002014-09-22T09:23:31.154+01:00Misty,this helped, thank you
I tend to focus on t...Misty,this helped, thank you<br /><br />I tend to focus on the worst, especially at first....because all i think about is what i dont like.<br /><br />I am trying to refocus,well i have just written a new post concentrating on the positives.<br /><br />and your right.....it could go very well<br /><br />xtorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-26346618844225027422014-09-22T09:19:35.837+01:002014-09-22T09:19:35.837+01:00thanks HS
its always been an issue for me, im an ...thanks HS<br /><br />its always been an issue for me, im an introvert, definitely not an exhibitionist,so i find it very difficult interacting with others especially in this sort of way.<br /><br />Writing about it has helped, get a sense of not thinking the worst.<br /><br />xtorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358391889176400481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-30081111989794345332014-09-22T02:16:40.510+01:002014-09-22T02:16:40.510+01:00Tori, I feel like I could have written this post. ...Tori, I feel like I could have written this post. All the feelings you are describing, I understand and fight the same mental battles. I wish I had something valuable to say but if you figure out the secret to not worrying about it, please let me know.<br /><br />I can tell you this, worrying about having to do something that you don't want to do, doesn't make you less of a slave. It makes you human.<br />xolittle girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17239564937960323449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-85059851359327364372014-09-22T01:24:33.597+01:002014-09-22T01:24:33.597+01:00I think you should have more faith in yourself. Yo...I think you should have more faith in yourself. You are 'already' the slave he expects/wants.<br /><br />Obviously I have no clue what this is like, but I don't see how you could not worry. I'm not saying that you 'should' worry, but there are just so many "what ifs"<br /><br />I think if it was me I would tell myself to focus on him and what he wants...if you have no choice, than you have no choice and you must push through. And just as there is the possibility of something going wrong, there is always that possibility of something going quite well...Mistyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07931554793023459482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3348741119843312019.post-60954110873170303222014-09-22T00:15:20.981+01:002014-09-22T00:15:20.981+01:00I think you have valid concerns. I also think you ...I think you have valid concerns. I also think you need to dig deeper. You do many things that you don't like but that are for Him. Why is this one causing you to step back and question if you are that slave He expects you to be. <br /><br />Maybe focus on what past couple plays created. Not resentment but a fulfillment of servitude. That this all boils down to the enjoyment of servitude. The bond that strengthened between you too. <br /><br />Starting to make yourself aware of your feelings and writing about it is a good start on getting to the true root of your hesitation. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com